http://www.LivingInthePhilippines.comis theORIGINAL, firstPhilippines Expat site on the Net, since 1989. This is not one of many knock-offs, copycats, imitations. Some have permutations of the names,misspellings and "in" and "the" or "ing." left off to deceive you. This is the original, by: Don A. Herrington
Love and Romance
Filipino Style
Trust Verify, be Safe for Her/Him and For You. Your fiancee, spouse to be can be investigated by Jeff and Mike at Cyberbride Investigators (CBI Worldwide) and their Filipino Staff Members by mailingCyberBrideInvest@gmail.com, get a discount. Ask for it by mentioning Promo Code LinP3!
Not only are the Filipino men very handsome and romantic but he Filipina girls or Filipina women are world known for there stunning beauty. And some foreign women have finally figured that out the Filipino men can be quite a catch. Filipinas girls, are not only beautiful women but a delight to be around because of the famous Filipina disposition and personality. Some, actually many who marry these Filipina beauties, swear they make the best wives in the world, not only beautiful, but loyal, loving and faithful past death. From living here so long that has been my experience too.
And, don’t worry if you are older or overweight, like half the population of the western world. Both women and men here have the highest respect for age and weight is a plus to some here. It is a status symbol. If you are overweight, you virtually lose twenty percent of your weight when you step on Philippine soil. Age is respected. Consider yourself lucky to not be a kid anymore. The Filipinas will, hard to believe, but true. Young guys are welcome too.
May/September Romance
Most Filipinas like a man with a little, or even a lot of, meat on his bones. And the men here are attracted to "heavy" women, a sign of health to them, especially in provincial areas. In Asian cultures generally, being overweight is a sign of substance and wealth. When I told my Filipina wife, Ani, I was going to lose a little around the middle, she said, What for?"
Love and romance is serious business with these conservative Filipino women, whether they are from a city like Manila or the countryside, the province. Romance and eventual marriage is a preoccupation, especially for young Filipina girls in the province. But your average Filipina is cautious about how she conducts herself, especially in the provinces, where every one knows everything about everyone.
Mai and Ani Filipina wives
The Filipina, How She Behaves in Her Culture, a "True Filipina." In the Philippines, if a man wants to be taken seriously by a woman, he has to visit the latter's family and introduce himself formally to the parents of the girl. It is rather inappropriate to court a woman and formalize the relationship without informing the parents of the girl. It is always expected that the guy must show his face to the girl's family.
Filipino women, Filipinas, are expected to be pakipot (playing hard to get) because it is seen as an appropriate behavior in a courtship dance. It is also one way by which the Filipina will be able to measure the sincerity of her admirer.
Love,Romance,Marriage and Virginity
Virginity is sacred in this Catholic country. Women are taught there virginity is a jewel. Filipino men are not interested in marrying a non virgin. I, thought I am not sure I ever dated a virgin until I came here, understand why. I am sorry if that sounds strange or unforgiving. But in this culture the woman is responsible to not only herself but her family for protecting that virginity. She may not even be forgiven if she is raped. I know this is not fair. But that is the way it is and the Filipina girls know it. Many are badly hurt by men who lie and promise marriage, with no intention of ever marrying them. But they are forewarned in no uncertain terms most often. They know the risk they are taking by trusting a man who want to have sex before marriage. Much of my research on this subject comes from a book written by Dra. Lordes Lopez, the psychopathology of the Filipino. My experience bears out everything she says in her landmark book.The Philippines seem like a neighborhood rather than a country. Of a married or single woman strays, everyone knows it. Filipino men are reluctant to marry a non-virgin even if they are the one who took the virginity! If they could get them to break the rules maybe someone else can too. These young Filipina girls who stray, are called "soft noses," in some areas.The culture and the family lets the girl know it is her responsibility to keep her virginity as soon as they are old enough to understand what virginity is, not only in words by example. They understand is is not the man's responsibility. They are well aware that most men are animals, sexually. As a man, I must agree with that. To steal one of Jay Leno's jokes, "Research doctors at Johns Hopkins University just this week, took out a man's heart and replaced it with heart of a pig." Then Jay asks, "Know what happened?" He punches with, "Nothing." "Everything was just the same."
So Filipina women know it is their responsibility to guard their virginity. If they don't, they often pay a serious emotional and social price. If you are involved with a girl who is not a virgin in this culture, you are running the risk of getting involved with an emotionally unstable woman. She has broken the cultural mores, disobeyed her parents others. She may have other problems too, but maybe not. I feel, why take the risk? You may feel differently with good cause.
Meeting a woman through someone else is a good idea. If you meet an older man or woman who has some status, be direct and say, "I am looking for a wife.’’ They will not be shocked, I assure you, but delighted, if you are truly a gentleman. Filipino men often wanted to take me home to meet their sisters and cousins. A couple of time I went. I was not allowed to be with the Filipina unsupervised and understood that from the beginning. And if you don't like the sister or cousin, he will find another relative to introduce you to around the corner.He will want to keep you in the family, but only if you can understand and relate to the culture. If not, problems may arise. The Filipinos and Filipinas are communal, interdependent not independent. When you marry one you marry the family at least the mother and the father, the siblings too usually. That is trite, indeed, but true. Be sure and read the Family section of the culture page and see if you can deal with what is expected, almost required, a right of the Filipino family whose child is married to a man, foreign or local. If you can't let it be know from the start of your relationship with your Filipina. If she is a "true Filipina," the relationship may not develop. If it does she may not be happy in it, but you will never know."Pen pal" listings, E-mail pals, Introduction services are other ways to meet Filipinas and Filipinos. I did not meet my wife through one of these services. I took the time to come here and find one who was not interested in marrying a foreigner. I am glad I did. But I do know many who have great success and many who had serious failures who used these services. These services are illegal to own and operate in the Philippines, though not in any other countries I know about.With e-mail, text pals and the Internet it is easy to meet girls here and establish relationships without an illegal broker. If you join one of these services, though you may feel it is the only way for you to go, do consider another avenue. A trip here does not cost much. And marriage can be for a life time, or should be. There is no divorce herThe girls get into these services free. The men must pay. You may be writing to several women. They may be writing to dozens of men. Getting involved in any romantic relationship is always fraught with pitfalls. But for some, it is worth the risk, they feel. In a relationship built in a text-based environment, without visual clues, the people involved tend to fill in the blanks with desired attributes of the other person that often turn out to be inaccurate. The person you are writing to may only have the qualities you see in here because you bestowed them on her in your mind. If you are reading this after having already established a romantic relationship with a Filipina, I am sure you are saying, "My Filipina is different." A romantic relationship with a Filipino or Filipina has a better chance of success if you come over and immerse yourself in the culture. And it is important to meet a woman’s or man's family because the family is so important to him or her. And maybe the family will always will be more important than you. There is an Asia saying, that is accepted in the Philippines, "You can get another wife or husband but not another mother or father."Filipino children are committed to their parents who usually went through a lot to raise them. There desire is to make their parents life easier. If you are capable and refuse to help support her family who may need it because of the very hard economic situation here, she may not say anything, but she will neither respect you nor understand. As said, but it can't be said enough, Filipinos and Filipinas are interdependent people, not dependent, like in western cultures. They are so by choice and because their cultural needs.
Ani, My Beautiful Filipina Wife
Cultural Difference / Net Relationships
Crossing cultures is hazardous, and using a text-based environment to become emotionally attached to someone increases the chances of a failed relationship. But there is no guarantee any way you do it. Common sense is your best guide to finding a Filipina bride, a Filipina wife for life who is happy and you can make happier.
A wise man said: "It's best to limit your internet relationships with those whom you have already met personally.
Selecting your partner in life is one of the most serious decisions you will ever make. So if you have that in mind, consider a trip here before getting too involved. You may think it expensive. But it could be the best expenditure of your time and money you ever make. And there is no better place for a vacation that this beautiful tropical country. These services that bring together Filipinas and foreigners for the purpose of marriage are just not the ideal way. My advice is do not get involved with them at all.
Perceptive Letter from DR, slightly edited, to a LinP3 guest who just has a "Filipina problem."
I sympathize with those who have had relationship problems. I have recently gone through the move others are about to make. I have learn so much and continue to earn more everyday. First, let me say that without a doubt, you can find the kind of girl you are looking for. There is an essentially unlimited pool of women who would love to date you here. And many, many are what you're looking for, but they are the ones you will have to put the effort into get them. They will NOT approach you and they usually are not on the internet. (But a few are.) Those on the internet are the ones who are MOST likely to be what you don't want...the MTV/Cosmo influenced girls. But, since I have recently moved here and learned A LOT fast. I have a few suggestions:First, avoid Manila. The girls there are far less likely to have the values you seek. Or they will be province girls who have come to "the big city" in the belief that the streets are paved with gold and quickly become desperate and, as such, do desparate things. I have traveled much of the country and find Cebu city to be the best for a new-comer (at least until you become grounded) especially if you are an American. Cebu is probably the most American friendly place in the country. (Not to mention the most progressive.)Second, BE WARE. Be wary of the girls, be ware of anyone who offers to help you (foreigners included). There are MANY, MANY scams and scam artists. I moved here after dating a girl for 8 months over the internet and phone, visited for 6 weeks, then moved here. A week after moving here (after selling my house in the US, etc.) she confesses to me that she got engaged to another American since my last visit... I NEVER would have thought her capable of such a thing, but I was wrong. I have always considered myself a good judge of character, but I have found that Filipinos are VERY good liars .Also, the culture here allows people to justify almost anything in the name of "survival". And many have a very broad definition of "survival". (Essentially anything that means they get money is helping them to "survive".) So, when it comes to getting married, take things slow. Many girls will try to rush you into marriage, but don't allow them too. If they are rushing, their improbably a reason. Also, don't forget the prenuptial agreement...and if she has a probably with signing one, I GUARANTEE you DO NOT want too marry her!Third, never forget that you are a "foreigner". Being a "foreigner" means that you are expected to pay a higher price than a Filipino and this is pretty much an accepted practice by all Filipinos...don't expect other Filipinos to sympathize with you just because you are the victim of a double standard). This double standard is an accepted practice. Be a foreigner also means that if the shit ever hits the fan, you are the "odd-man-out".
And this includes your future in-laws. Blood runs thicker than water. If their is an issue with the family, don't be surprised when your wife sides with her family over you, her husband. Now, having written all of this, I don't want to be all negative. I was just surprised that no one else had given you this helpful advice. I think there are many great things about living here, the good women tops among them. But, I thought you could also benefit from some of my hard-learned lessons.DR
Conservative Sexual Behavor, Philippines
Editor's Note: Published on page A23 of the Mar. 21, 2005 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer
A THIRD of the students in the University of the Philippines in Diliman, (UP) Quezon City, have engaged in sexual activity on campus, according to a 2004 university study.(A more recent study that was just released, one that reflects the general population,not just the UP Diliman population says that one third of the men and only one sixth of the womenmen, between 15yo and 37 yo have engaged in prematital sex. We hope to post that study soon. It was also doee by UP. Noted October 2007.)But before conservatives -- and perverts -- react, "sexual activity" refers not only to doing it all-the-way but also to French kissing, petting or necking, masturbation, oral, coital or anal sex.Thirty-three percent, or 126 of 359 respondents, admitted to having sexual activity on campus, according to a study by the Communication Research Department of the UP College of Mass Communication.The majority, or 65 percent of the respondents, said they had not engaged in any sexual activity on campus in the past three months prior to the survey conducted during the last week of January and the first week of February this year.Two percent of the respondents gave no answer.The on-campus sexual activities, the study noted, are usually done in "sex hotspots," particularly in areas hidden from sight by trees and bushes, and are free of use.The hotspots included the densely vegetated Lagoon, the wide-open Sunken Garden, the parking lots and comfort rooms. Even Palma Hall, more popularly known as A.S., and the Main Library are also considered sex hotspots, the study reported.Contrary to belief that UP Diliman students are sexually liberated, the study found out that only a fourth or 24 percent of the respondents have had sex in the three months before the survey.The students' favorite sexual activity was French kissing, with 55 percent of respondents. Petting or necking and self-masturbation were the second favorite with 48 percent, while 34 percent engaged in oral sex. Only 27 percent had coital sex, or "actual" sex involving the genitals, while 7 percent had anal sex.But taking both sexes into account, the top sexual activity among females was French kissing, with nearly half or 49 percent saying they had engaged in it, followed by self- and mutual- masturbation with 18 percent each.Among males, it was self-masturbation on top with 89 percent, followed by French kissing with 68 percent, and petting or necking with 62 percent.Of 126 respondents who have had sex, 40 percent "sometimes" used protection, 36 percent "always" used protection, while 24 percent "never" used protection.Of those who used protection, condoms were the preferred method, with 88 percent saying they had used one. Birth-control pills came in a far second with 10 percent, while rhythm method was done by 6 percent.Respondents to the study were UP Diliman undergraduate students with ages between 16 and 20. Sampling was multi-stage, with respondents picked from 20 colleges.Department chair Violeda Umali said the margin of error was a little below plus or minus 5 percent, because of "spoilage" in the original sample of 387 students.Intriguingly, the respondents also reported engaging in sex through technology: 15 percent have engaged in phone sex; 13 percent in cybersex or Internet sex; and 10 percent in text sex.On the respondents' sexual views, the study reported that more than a third or 34 percent found premarital sex "completely" acceptable, 39 percent consider it "sometimes" acceptable, while 27 percent did not find it acceptable at all.The students' outlook toward homosexuality, the study found, was generally positive, with more than half or 51 percent finding it "completely" acceptable, 26 percent seeing "sometimes" acceptable, and 22 percent saying it was not acceptable at all.The researchers said the study applies only to UP Diliman students.Umali said the study showed an aspect of UP students' sex life that she found "surprising."
The wide range of sexual activity that the respondents engaged in, she said, was completely unheard of in her time.
One of the List resource people wrote to a List guest the following, a foreigner who was having second thoughts about marrying a Guest Relationship Officer, (GRO) his girlfriend and fiancee he met in a bar/karaoke.
John wrote:
So you have fallen into the trap by meeting a gorgeous, shy little GRO, and you feel at this moment that you want to marry her. OK, but first let me tell you a little story.I ran a girlie bar in Manila for just over 5 years. I soon found out the ground rules, and although I didn't approve of them, they were the rules.Girls were bought from their parents in the provinces for as little as P2000.00, we went on regular shopping trips and I found the whole thing distasteful but that was how it was done.They traveled back to Manila on the bus, while we came back in a chauffeur driven limo. As soon as they arrived, the teaching process began. Most of the teaching was done by the senior GRO's or more experienced girls at the bar.
The No. 1 Rule is that you are no longer free, you have been purchased by the boss and your parents have been rewarded, do not let your parents down! You are not allowed to go out without written permission from your boss or when you are bar-fined, but then you must arrange this with the Head Geisha.You belong to the Boss as if you are married to him. You are not allowed to have a personal boyfriend. Every male is your boyfriend, but only if they pay your bar-fine. If you are bar-fined, you must be back on these premises by Noon the following day. If you are late you will be fined and the money will be taken from your salary.After these ground rules were learnt, the girls settled in and were taught how to please a male by dancing, flirting, massage, and sex. At first I thought I was in paradise with a line of 18 year olds queuing up out side my bedroom door.But the novelty soon wore off, believe me. The quiet girls were taught that shyness was a tool they could use,
because loads of guys are turned on by the sexy little shy one. She acts like the virgin and the little girl lost.Do not let this fool you. She, like all the others, are in this business to make money for the bar, the object of the exercise is to get the guy to buy loads of ladies drinks and then Bar-fine as many girls as he can handle. All the tricks in the book are used to get the cash out of your pocket and into the till.Girls under the age of 21 are not allowed to drink alcohol, so if you ply her with drink and take her out, you could get into trouble with the Police, that's if somebody reports you. Big heavy fine, and money all around for the corrupt police and their informers.Another thing is that if you are dating your girlfriend without paying a bar-fine, she will get into serious trouble with her boss, and you will probably be taught a little lesson by a few heavies that creep up on you from nowhere. I know. I have woken up a few times in the rat infested gutter, with my nose out of joint, all because of a shy little GRO.OK you think you love her and want to marry her. You say you are 45. By the time she is 25 and at her sexual peak, you will be in your 50's. She will go back to the bar, she will want to show off to her old friends that she is now all grown up, and she has her old husband paying for everything she wants in life. Plus he is paying
for everything her parents want....and the sisters and brothers... and the 500 or so cousins that are waiting in line for their share.She will see the girls in her old place of work, having a good time with the punters, while all she has to look forward to that day is a pile of washing and ironing. She will be very tempted to have just one drink with an old flame and listen to his drunken promises. She will probably take him to a short time hotel and earn some extra
housekeeping by just laying on her back for an hour or so. Eventually you will get suspicious, the rows will start, She will go back to work in the bar. The end!
Sorry mate, there are hundreds of thousands of gorgeous decent Filipino girls in this world, all looking for the man of their dreams, and all wanting to settle down, start a family and live Happily Ever After. You are a little bit like myself. I too fell in love with a GRO, but a good friend warned me of the dangers, I lived
with her for a couple of years and we had some great times, but she would always go back to the bar to see her friends once a week, then twice a week, making excuses, coming home at 4 in the morning, drunk
and clothes torn. Then into Shabu [methamphetamine, speed, crank.] Bye bye little shy GRO. Now probably dead.It will be hard to make the break, but you must. Remain good friends but please don't marry her. Because she is already married... TO THE BAR
By: JOHN HARMAN. 3-21-05 by permissionThere is a saying, "You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl." I believe this is true most of the time, certainly from what I have seen in the past 15 years. There are exceptions, but rare. The bar is exciting. Provincial girls become idols of customers, stars in their own eyes, make tight friendships in the bars. But some girls find a boyfriend before they get hung up with the life. But that is rare. There is usually always some problem that brought them to this, in addition to poverty, they can't shake.
**********************
Can you trust any girl in the world? Maybe and maybe not, I answer. I know one thing for sure, especially in long distance relationships and with Filipinas, it is better to find out now, no matter how bad it hurts. Later it can be debilitating both financially and emotionally. I have been down that road. Never again.We did not, when I first got here, but now we have a good reliable security agency here for investigating Filipinas. The firm is partially owned and managed by an American retired detective and intelligence chief, married to a Filipina. He is highly qualified, years of international investigative experience. This is a licensed agency and one that I recommend highly. When necessary they use undercover Filipinas, investigators whose only stake in the outcome of the investigation is to do a good job: these are professionals, not just friends. These are trained in investigative skills, writing reports clearly, well documented so there is no misunderstanding. There is no gossip, everything is based on facts, not feelings.Most guys don't want to know the truth about their “honey ko”. I know at one time I did not. Yes, and I sorely regretted it and do to this day: I lost my money but worse than that, my heart was shattered. I know from brutal and expensive experience it is better to bite the bullet and take it now, even if it is bad news. If you are one of those guys like many are, maybe even I was, who needs to suffer to feel like he is loved, you will just have to suffer. I hope you are more mature than I was 25 years ago when made my big mistake with a Filipina. No matter how well I treated her, it was not enough. It took me years to realize I would never get anywhere. And then more years to get over it. And though the serious feelings are over, it still makes me sad for me and even for her and her family. This can be serious stuff. Take it as such, if not for your sake for her sake.. No reason to enter into a relationship blindly. There's help now on the "before" side. If you are involved in a questionable relationship, now your friend can be investigated, confidentially and reliably.
If things turn out bad, and an investigation uncovers a scam, another boyfriend or even boyfriends, or a husband in the wings spending the money you are sending here, remember the magnitude of quality women here available to you.
This is a big country with millions of girls who dream of marrying a foreigner, good, kind and loving ones. Why not be easy on yourself and get one who loves you, respects you, treasures you, as you deserve? No reason to settle for anything less. You are in great demand here. But you will be treated with much less than respect by some if you allow it to happen.If the investigation verifies that you friend is honest and truthful (and many are), and I hope yours is, you can proceed with your relationship without hesitation.
I can also recommend a good psychiatrist if you want marital counseling and you are in Cebu. And her prices are right too, or were when I used her. I will try go get updated prices. How long depends, of course. And can she make your marriage work. No, only you and your wife can do that. And you both have to both work at it. She does premarital counseling too, something else I wish had availed myself of before the fact. But she was not available then. And if she was I probably would not have had the wisdom to do so, so caught up in the fact that one of these stunning beauties love me. Or so I thought. Dra. Ilano did a wonderful job for me, getting me to understand that there are some things you cannot fix She is at (e-mail address.) She has a lot of experience helping Fil-Am couples either work things out, or separate as friends if nothing else. She is a Filipina, but she will be there to help you and your marriage. She has traditional Filipino values, if that is what you want. She is also stunningly attractive, or was last time I saw her. She is also very much married, has a little girl.
Number of Males Vs. Number of Females in the Philippines
2009 Estimate
Here's the 2009 estimated numbers of males and females in the Philippines
There is a balance until age 65, then significantly more women than men.
0-14 years: 35.2% of the population
(male 17,606,352/female 16,911,376)
15-64 years: 60.6% of the population
(male 29,679,327/female 29,737,919)
65 years and over: 4.1%
(male 1,744,248/female 2,297,381)
<<<
F R E E-
<< Click to
subscribe to Living, Retiring, Traveling, Doing Business and Moving
To The Philippines
FREE INFORMATION FROM
EXPATS, FOREIGNERS WHO TALK ABOUT LIVING IN THE PHILIPPINES,
RELOCATION HERE AND DOING BUSINESS, TRAVELING OR RETIRING IN THE
PHILIPPINES.
