Author Topic: Has it ever crossed your mind...  (Read 1055 times)

Offline HappyBee

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Has it ever crossed your mind...
« on: January 04, 2018, 08:03:13 AM »
That your spouse might have married you just for your money?

My husband and I were talking about this last night, and it made me think. Surely there would be many, many cases of this among us expats.

If you found out that this was the case with your spouse, what would you do about it?
What if you didn't want to leave them due to having kids involved etc?
Could you live with someone who wasn't really madly in love with you, or didn't dig you as a person?
^^ Just my personal opinion... take it or leave it!

Offline Lee2

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2018, 08:35:23 AM »
I feel that love grows over time. I seriously doubt that most mixed couples and especially those with large age differences, start out totally in love, maybe infatuation, maybe lust, maybe wishful thinking, maybe something else but with time, tenderness and caring, I believe that most relationships can grow into a deep love.
:) Happily married since 1994 & live part of the year in Cebu and the rest in S. Florida.

Offline Hestecrefter

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2018, 08:49:16 AM »
That your spouse might have married you just for your money?

My husband and I were talking about this last night, and it made me think. Surely there would be many, many cases of this among us expats.


I am not sure about the "many, many cases" part.  Maybe in raw numbers, but as a percentage of those married, I would think the "just for money" numbers to be not all that great.  But, money as an important consideration?  Then the numbers get bigger.

We all marry in contemplation of our partner's assets, whatever they may be.

I'll agree with the proposition propounded by Lee that love grows over time, at least if there's a seed there to begin with.  I would imagine that someone who has been married just for their money, without anything else, would very soon recognize that fact.  I would think that their partner would be hard pressed to carry on a facade of being in love when money was the only glue holding the relationship together. 

Offline FastWalk

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2018, 11:00:51 AM »
From time to time I hear about someone who becomes divorced and then the partner immediately marries a more wealthy person.   That might be how it goes when money is the only thing.

Most of us Expats have never been really really really poor.  For me,  I likely can not imagine how the world looks to a person who has no hope or money and what choices they might make.  Or a person with money and no hope...

I agree with the others,  that love can be born and grow with work and effort.  It is like a garden,  gonna be mess if not tended to.



“Old men do not grow wise. They grow careful.”
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Offline BudM

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2018, 04:15:44 PM »
My wife did not marry me for money.  For one thing, I don't have all that much and secondly, she has her own to spend.  If anything, I am the one that took in to consideration how much the other one had when it came to getting married and I came to the conclusion that chances are that I would not go broke with her.  Then again, there were no other competitors for me to compare.  But still then again, she is a woman and most women like to spend so occasionally she will ask me for some.  I did not say she needs some from me.  At times, she will just ask me for some when I know she has some in her purse.  I don't care what all these women libbers say.  Women are in the driver's seat when it comes to controlling all that goes on in the world.

So, yes. I married my spouse because of her money.
Whatever floats your boat.

Offline Gray Wolf

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2018, 02:05:06 AM »
When Gloria and I met I made it clear to her that I was not rich, but merely a hard working man who was looking for a partner in life. By Filipino standards I may be considered well off because I have a vehicle (15 y/o Jeep) am able to go out for dinner occasionally and can buy whatever I need in the way of clothing, food, etc.  When Glo joined me in the US she realized that I did not have money to give away. She also realized that if she wanted to help her family she would need to get a job, which she did, easily. Over the years, by working together we've been able to assist the family in many ways, including building a nice house (again, by Filipino standards) to use as a home base, lending assistance for needs on the farm and by assisting with tuition payments so the nieces and nephews could assure themselves of a good education and likelihood of gaining a good paying job, albeit overseas.

During our many visits over the years, I've been able to convince the family that I'm not rich, but simply a hard working man who is willing to give what I can. I work most every day when I'm there to continue servicing my customers and continue paying the bills at home. I've shared all of this info with the family so they can see for themselves that I am not a walking ATM machine. They never expect me to pay for things and are eternally grateful when I do offer to buy dinner or small things for the house and farm.

By working at a good job for the last 16+ years Gloria has also established her own Social Security benefits as well as a good 401K for her later years. She has done so well in fact that this past year she surpassed me in income earned. When we first met and established our relationship I told her father that I wasn't taking her away from the family, that I was the one looking for a new family to become a part of.

So, who gained the most in this relationship? I'd say we've broken even. I've provided her with the chance to become a US citizen, to establish her own retirement funds and to gain employment to not only help us have a comfortable life together, but to also help her family gain a stronger foothold with better education and jobs to support themselves and their immediate family. So when people make comments about me being "rich" I smile to myself and say "You betcha!" I'm rich with a caring, loving family that loves me for who I am and for helping them improve their lives
Louisville, KY USA

Offline HappyBee

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2018, 06:00:00 AM »
When Gloria and I met I made it clear to her that I was not rich, but merely a hard working man who was looking for a partner in life. By Filipino standards I may be considered well off because I have a vehicle (15 y/o Jeep) am able to go out for dinner occasionally and can buy whatever I need in the way of clothing, food, etc.  When Glo joined me in the US she realized that I did not have money to give away. She also realized that if she wanted to help her family she would need to get a job, which she did, easily. Over the years, by working together we've been able to assist the family in many ways, including building a nice house (again, by Filipino standards) to use as a home base, lending assistance for needs on the farm and by assisting with tuition payments so the nieces and nephews could assure themselves of a good education and likelihood of gaining a good paying job, albeit overseas.

During our many visits over the years, I've been able to convince the family that I'm not rich, but simply a hard working man who is willing to give what I can. I work most every day when I'm there to continue servicing my customers and continue paying the bills at home. I've shared all of this info with the family so they can see for themselves that I am not a walking ATM machine. They never expect me to pay for things and are eternally grateful when I do offer to buy dinner or small things for the house and farm.

By working at a good job for the last 16+ years Gloria has also established her own Social Security benefits as well as a good 401K for her later years. She has done so well in fact that this past year she surpassed me in income earned. When we first met and established our relationship I told her father that I wasn't taking her away from the family, that I was the one looking for a new family to become a part of.

So, who gained the most in this relationship? I'd say we've broken even. I've provided her with the chance to become a US citizen, to establish her own retirement funds and to gain employment to not only help us have a comfortable life together, but to also help her family gain a stronger foothold with better education and jobs to support themselves and their immediate family. So when people make comments about me being "rich" I smile to myself and say "You betcha!" I'm rich with a caring, loving family that loves me for who I am and for helping them improve their lives

That was really nice to read.
^^ Just my personal opinion... take it or leave it!

Offline iamjames

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2018, 09:05:40 PM »
I meet TOO many expats who have a very basic pension and yet think that all Filipinas will fall gladly on their backs in love with this scrawny excuse for a failure. It is disgusting. This is survival - and never fool yourself into thinking it is LOVE. A few cases are exceptions - about 10%. 

Offline codefreeze

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2018, 03:15:42 AM »
That your spouse might have married you just for your money?

I can say with 150% my partner loves me. Zero doubt. Nothing to do with money. It also wasn't for a passport - she'd been working in UK for six years when we met (she's a nurse) and already had a British passport.

At the time we met I was pretty broke after a divorce (to a western lady who took me to the cleaners). Just for the record I was divorced in 2003 and met my partner in 2007. 11 great years together now. During that time I have never been asked for a single penny. My partner has her own money, her own new car, and pays her way when we return to Phils. She also took it on herself to support family back home (her mama) as and when required. I have offered to help several times and that has always been refused.

Marriage for money - I think it does happen, if the girl is young and poor and has many pressing family issues, she might marry for money. In Thailand I think the girls are far more mercenary in my experience - I have seen a lot of Western guys get completely ripped off there - and I mean totally skinned alive.

As I say I think it does happen and it takes a fair bit of maturity to spot it. Then again some guys don't care. Many have put up with a lot of s*** in their lives and want to see out their days with a young attractive girl and they really don't care if it's love or not. They know they aren't going to live forever, and want to go out in one glamorous, hedonistic blast! In some ways it's a valid perspective - not one I totally agree with myself, but I see it as just as valid as other options. It is a choice at the end of the day. The again there are the sorry saps that get completely taken in and that is just sad to see.


Offline JoeLP

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2018, 10:40:26 PM »
Tina is the 3rd pinay I had serious relationship with.  None were for money.  First I was still in college when we met.  We were both pretty damn poor.  The 2nd had her own job that made just a little less than me.  Tina never wants to leave the Phils except to visit my family.  She doesn't earn what I do in my pension...that said, between her government job and her company, she makes easily more than enough to live comfortable.  Before I was ever even in the picture she raised 2 boys and put all 3 of her younger sisters through college. 

There is more that Tina can do now that her and I are together.  But a lot of that is based on things I know that her growing up and living here in the Phils that she was unaware of or didn't understand if she was aware of.  But money is not her concern.  Heck, the first time I got sick badly here(damn water sickness) she didn't bother even asking me how to get access to my money, took me to the best hospital around, and scrounged up all her money to pay for it. 
 
We're in it for love. 

That said, I know one foreigner next municipality over that made it clear he "bought the sexiest pinay" he could for his wife.  But then admitted that after 10 years together now(30 year difference in age) he loves her and knows she loves him.  You can see it also.  So even those who might either be looking for money or using money to find their mate...can still fall in love.
In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

Offline BudM

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #10 on: January 07, 2018, 01:17:02 AM »
I meet TOO many expats who have a very basic pension and yet think that all Filipinas will fall gladly on their backs in love with this scrawny excuse for a failure. It is disgusting. This is survival - and never fool yourself into thinking it is LOVE. A few cases are exceptions - about 10%.

Yeah, there are some out there.  What study do you get your exceptions number of about 10% from though?  I bet you are part of that 10%.  Did it come from one of the same studies that you get other numbers from?
  Thanks for having so much lack of faith in Filipinas for the other 90% of us unlucky ones on here.
Whatever floats your boat.

Offline FastWalk

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #11 on: January 07, 2018, 02:00:00 AM »
I meet TOO many expats who have a very basic pension and yet think that all Filipinas will fall gladly on their backs in love with this scrawny excuse for a failure. It is disgusting. This is survival - and never fool yourself into thinking it is LOVE. A few cases are exceptions - about 10%.

Ouch.   that hurts.   I don't have a pension....    so I must be even worse than a failure  ;)

Wife and I are a team.  We fail together.  :-*
“Old men do not grow wise. They grow careful.”
“Keep on rocking in the free world”

Offline HappyBee

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2018, 07:57:34 AM »
Ouch.   that hurts.   I don't have a pension....    so I must be even worse than a failure  ;)

I must be a complete loser! ;)

Seriously, you can't measure a person by their financial situation. We all grew up with either advantage or disadvantage in that area, and truthfully, even the richest people can go bankrupt. You just never know what can happen with money - here today, gone tomorrow.

A person's wealth says nothing about how kind or good they are. Who'd want to be married to a rich person who is also abusive, selfish, never at home, and unfaithful? I know there are some Filipinas who end up overseas married to an abusive man, and that is a situation to be pitied greatly.
^^ Just my personal opinion... take it or leave it!

Offline BudM

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2018, 10:42:48 AM »
Someone's financial situation doesn't go at the top of the list.  Don't say though that it can not be something to consider.  In a lot of instances, it is considered by both men and women.  And if it is, then everything else should check out as ok prior to getting to that point.  I am not sure that I see where anyone has talked about measuring a person as to how good or bad they are by finances.  True, it happens but that is an individual's choice if they willingly allow it to happen by using financial consideration as the main criteria and don't care if they risk getting treated like crap or not.  Yeah, I know there are both men and women who have gotten into an abusive relationship that was not really their fault, but in a way are stuck either for the time being or forever, but that is a different story.
Whatever floats your boat.

Offline RUFUS

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Re: Has it ever crossed your mind...
« Reply #14 on: January 13, 2018, 06:20:58 AM »
Mrs RUFUS makes more than I do.
She still puts up with me, so I must be doing something right!
SO SAYETH THE RUFUS

 


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