Author Topic: Am I sending my wife too much money?  (Read 2803 times)

Offline Jarrlous

  • New Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2
Am I sending my wife too much money?
« on: June 27, 2016, 04:41:35 PM »
Hi, me and my wife have been married since October and we had been in a relationship for 18 months before that. Our plan is to bring her and her son to Australia to live with me, but I'm having a hard time trying to save money because I have to support her. I send her 7,000 pesos a week plus an extra 5,000 a month for rent, plus occasionally a few extra for doctor and medicine. She uses this money to support herself, her son, her brother and her 13 year old cousin who helps out because my wife gets sick a lot. I know she only uses most of this money on food. She always asks my permission to buy something she thinks she needs it. Her brother works but she says he has to send his money to their mother (which I think is unfair, if he's living under a roof I'm paying for then he can help out too, plus their mother survived on her own before). My question is, am I sending her too much money? I've been there three times already so I know how cheap food is but for a family I'm not sure? Not sure if this is correct but I read online that average filipino salery is around 8000 a month so obviously other families are doing ok and surviving, right? Should I be tough on her and tell her to write down everything she spends money on? She gets really sensitive and angry when I ask her about money. Anybody else got a girl like this? Does anybody have any advice on how to live cheaply there? She doesn't seem to understand that the less money I send her the quicker it will be to get her documents and visa and get her over here. Also does anybody know what kind of job she could apply for without having to complete high-school?
I'd appreciate any advice, thanks.

Offline bigpearl

  • Sr Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 277
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2016, 06:06:22 PM »
Hi Jarrious, welcome to the forum, remember "it's more fun in the Philippines". Firstly it depends on where one lives and also how you came up with the 7K plus per week. Your 8K per month income is about right for an average in the province, surely you discussed this all with your wife over the last 2 plus years?
You say you are married, you have nothing to stop you from bringing her to Australia now, does she want to come? Also if she does come here to Oz you will still be helping to support her family back home, that's a given.
I think you have answered your own questions already.
As for employment here there are opportunities, more than in PI. My partner Benjie finished year 12, then graduated 2 years in I.T. and couldn't get a job anywhere in that field in the Philippines, ended up working as a train conductor with PNR for 4 years until he moved here, 6 months looking for I.T. employment here, no good, his uni course was too old, start again Benjie I said so he did, He did a 6 week course in aged care (cert 3) and was offered a job half way through. he now has a permanent position with all the perks and earns respectable money and now we help his family instead of just me. In saying this we also need to know how old her son is and if young who would care for him if she did work in Oz?
Tell us more, you will get great input from this forum, just ask, good luck with your dilemma Jarrious.

Cheers, Steve

Offline bigpearl

  • Sr Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 277
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2016, 06:42:06 PM »
Back again, Benjie and I were just discussing the amount of money that you are contributing for your wife and her family, P 1,000 per day he scoffed and P 5,000 per month rent that you are also paying? (cheap rent) And I added that these are tax free figures.
Benjie, working in Manila cleared P 12K per month, sent P3 to 4K per month to his family in the province and managed to live, run a motorbike, buy an iPhone, (albeit second hand) feed and clothe himself, see an occasional movie at the cinema, have beer with his mates etc. on less than P 300 per day, he obviously knew how to budget and live within his means, I will also add that if I were to give Benjie P 1,000 per day in our early days he would have taken it and spent it, wisely or not, trouble is once the gravy train gets up speed, very difficult to stop but as I have said in another post "maybe I am a Tight arse". These are just some figures to digest and may or may not be relevant to you. Thanks Benjie for your input.

Cheers, Steve

Offline iamjames

  • Sr Member +
  • Sr Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1,067
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2016, 06:55:43 PM »
300P per day is more than enough for a Filipina and her son to live on - especially if they have their accommodation free. The common reaction when money is discussed seems to be anger. This is the defense mechanism like a hissing cat - just warning you to back off. I have never heard of a filipino who concedes anything when questioned about their usage of money.

She is your wife now. Treat her like any Filipino who tells her when and where to go and how much she is allowed to spend.  Stop pussyfooting about and you will gain more respect. YOU call the shots - not her.

(<<<<<<<<<running and ducking on this one)

Offline bigpearl

  • Sr Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 277
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2016, 07:49:00 PM »
No need to run and duck on this one iamjames, that is your opinion, my opinion and probably many other readers, the question was asked and the answers are coming whether right or wrong. Yes p**** footing around is pointless, tell it as it is. (should been done from the on set of any relationship well before marriage)
A tricky situation now but if you love each other you can sort problems out, give and take, compromising on both sides for a mutual resolution.
Looking forward to your reply Jarrious, chin up.

Cheers, Steve

Offline JoeLP

  • Global Moderator
  • Sr Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,288
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2016, 08:07:27 PM »
As mentioned above, location plays a lot into the costs.  That said, before I met her and sent her money, Tina was able to take care of herself, and her two sons for her pay of 12k/month.  Oh, and she had a nice savings account.  That was her home, net, phone, and all else she needed for the boys and stuff.

We are in a province, so city life could be more expensive...but you get the idea.
In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

Offline Lee2

  • Administrator
  • Sr Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 3,830
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2016, 08:21:48 PM »
Hi, me and my wife have been married since October and we had been in a relationship for 18 months before that. Our plan is to bring her and her son to Australia to live with me, but I'm having a hard time trying to save money because I have to support her. I send her 7,000 pesos a week plus an extra 5,000 a month for rent, plus occasionally a few extra for doctor and medicine. She uses this money to support herself, her son, her brother and her 13 year old cousin who helps out because my wife gets sick a lot. I know she only uses most of this money on food. She always asks my permission to buy something she thinks she needs it. Her brother works but she says he has to send his money to their mother (which I think is unfair, if he's living under a roof I'm paying for then he can help out too, plus their mother survived on her own before). My question is, am I sending her too much money? I've been there three times already so I know how cheap food is but for a family I'm not sure? Not sure if this is correct but I read online that average filipino salery is around 8000 a month so obviously other families are doing ok and surviving, right? Should I be tough on her and tell her to write down everything she spends money on? She gets really sensitive and angry when I ask her about money. Anybody else got a girl like this? Does anybody have any advice on how to live cheaply there? She doesn't seem to understand that the less money I send her the quicker it will be to get her documents and visa and get her over here. Also does anybody know what kind of job she could apply for without having to complete high-school?
I'd appreciate any advice, thanks.
IMO there is not enough information in your post to give a valid reply.
You say you have been there 3 times, how long each time and how long did you know her before marrying her?
Where do they live, in a major city or in the province and where did they live before you?
What type of dwelling, modern or that of a poor Filipino?
Who rented the place they live in?
How was she and her family living before you?
This is a harsh one but how do you know he is her brother?
and who is the father of her child, have you seen the birth certificate?
Who set the figures you have to send her?
Why is she always getting sick, you do know that claiming sickness is probably the number one bs excuse to get extra money that many Filipinos use? My extended family used to use it all the time until I asked for doctors and hospitals phone numbers, so I could call them to confirm, then miraculously they almost never got sick but if she is truly getting sick then I would recommend you send her vitamins.
I could ask so much more but since you asked these questions, I suspect you already know in your gut that something is not right.

Most average Filipinos only make a few hundred pesos a day, so why would you be paying p1000 a day plus rent and plus medical. Poor Filipinos can usually get free PhilHealth and if not then I recommend you make sure she gets it for her and her child.
As for the guy working and not contributing, well you must know something is wrong there for sure.

I have made anyone in our family that we sent money to keep records and supply me with how the money was spent, if nothing else it will tell you if money is being wasted.
:) Happily married since 1994 & live part of the year in Cebu and the rest in S. Florida.

Offline Jarrlous

  • New Member
  • *
  • Posts: 2
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2016, 09:17:41 PM »
Yes I should have mentioned that she lives in angeles city. I know who my wife is and I wouldn't marry somebody I didn't know well. I wouldn't marry somebody if I wasn't sure if they were using me. If she was using me she would have left me a long time ago because I don't have that much money. And yes I did mention how long I've known her before we married. I definitely know it's her brother, he was at our wedding and I spent a whole month with her family and I've never given them money nor have they asked for any. I definitely know she's got medical problems because I've spent plenty of time with her. She's sent me plenty of pictures of herself in hospital. She's sent me plenty of pictures of receits and medicine. And I can tell you she's not clever enough to scam people.

Offline Lee2

  • Administrator
  • Sr Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 3,830
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2016, 09:50:49 PM »
Yes I should have mentioned that she lives in angeles city. I know who my wife is and I wouldn't marry somebody I didn't know well. I wouldn't marry somebody if I wasn't sure if they were using me. If she was using me she would have left me a long time ago because I don't have that much money. And yes I did mention how long I've known her before we married. I definitely know it's her brother, he was at our wedding and I spent a whole month with her family and I've never given them money nor have they asked for any. I definitely know she's got medical problems because I've spent plenty of time with her. She's sent me plenty of pictures of herself in hospital. She's sent me plenty of pictures of receits and medicine. And I can tell you she's not clever enough to scam people.
Okay sir, sorry to upset you. My comment on knowing her is because a lot of people consider email and chatting as being in a relationship, my opinion is that we do not know a person until we spend time with them.

Now all you have to do is work out what the money is being spent on to see if that much is actually needed.
:) Happily married since 1994 & live part of the year in Cebu and the rest in S. Florida.

Offline bigpearl

  • Sr Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 277
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2016, 10:32:02 PM »
Detective Lee, as vigilant as always and with very pertinent questions.
Jarrious, don't be offended but help was asked and opinions are given in this forum and what Lee asked was relevant to help you. Now and Don't be defensive, firstly I don't know you or your situation personally nor do other members, only what you tell us. You asked for opinions to help or probably reinforce what you already know (doubting) and you were given credible "cost of living" conditions and opinions negating your P 7k per week, thanks for the response.
When some serious questions were asked to help with advice you appear to be offended.

God helps those that help themselves but Christ help those that get caught. (Burnt)

Cheers, Steve

Offline TonyandJelma

  • Full Member
  • **
  • Posts: 24
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2016, 08:54:34 AM »
I am from the same school of thought as Lee....I had to put my foot down about sending money to the family back in the province. I know the question was about how much to send the wife......but how much, depends on money being sent to her family also and supporting the brother.
The short amount of time my wife and I were apart while awaiting on her visa to process, I sent her the amount of money I could afford to basically "throw away." Money that I would have normally spent on eating fast food, my personal entertainment and extra expenses for me. That way I would not care how she spent the money and what she gave to anyone else. I know this may sound harsh or that I didn't care about my wife's welfare, but that is not the case. It prevented any and all issues that I have seen and heard about with other couples living apart and dealing with finances.
And going back to putting my foot down, that came from a hard lessoned learned. Instead of sending money monthly to her family which is what she wanted to do, we came up with a plan with her family to start a business buying and harvesting trees for sale in the province. We fronted the initial investment of almost $5,000usd to buy the first tract of timber and waited for the business to get off the ground. Well, all of a sudden some family "things" happened and the timber was never purchased or purchased and unable to be harvested..never really got the exact story. Long story short, we never got the $5,000 back and the family never started the business. From then on, no more money to help the family. Can't help those who won't help themselves.

I would definitely have a heart to heart with your wife and explain to her the costs involved in the visa process and show her your budget to reach that goal. Then maybe she can see how much faster you can get to that goal if she reduces her spending and the amount you send her.

p.s. Do not underestimate her cleverness. You would be amazed at how clever Filipinas are...levels that can only be matched by their beauty.  ;)

Good luck with things and hope you guys can be together there in Oz soon.

Offline M.C.A.

  • Sr Member +
  • Sr Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 646
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2016, 10:10:03 AM »
Jarrious welcome to the club.... Can you retire here?  To answer your question on spending it sounds about right for someone who is used to a Western lifestyle.
My views would be from someone who lives out in the province close to in-laws on a pension.  Norwegian and French heritage.

Offline BudM

  • Sr Member +
  • Sr Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 1,647
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #12 on: June 28, 2016, 03:12:21 PM »
To the OP....Here is a comparison for a small retail establishment (less than 10 employees) in the National Capital Region.  The minimum wage per day is 429 plus 15 cola for 444 pesos per day.  At that rate, an employee working 5 days a week for 40 hours is making:

444 x 260 for 115,440 pesos a year or divide by 52 for 2,220 pesos a week which the average monthly salary for that comes out to 9,620 pesos per month.

For your situation, you say 7,000 a week plus 5,000 extra a month.  That comes out to 424,000 a year or 8,153.85 a week or an average monthly of 35,333.33 and that does count the extra at times for doctor and medicine.

Yeah, we don't know that much about the situation but my opinion is that you might be supplying enough.  Do you have any idea how much her brother makes?

By the way, the minimum wage for a Kasambahay (which no, we don't go by) in the NCR is 2,500 a month or 60,000 a year plus usually food and shelter, etc.  They usually get one off day a week plus a few days vacation time a year.
Whatever floats your boat.

Offline bigpearl

  • Sr Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 277
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #13 on: June 28, 2016, 04:26:20 PM »
To the OP....Here is a comparison for a small retail establishment (less than 10 employees) in the National Capital Region.  The minimum wage per day is 429 plus 15 cola for 444 pesos per day.  At that rate, an employee working 5 days a week for 40 hours is making:

444 x 260 for 115,440 pesos a year or divide by 52 for 2,220 pesos a week which the average monthly salary for that comes out to 9,620 pesos per month.

For your situation, you say 7,000 a week plus 5,000 extra a month.  That comes out to 424,000 a year or 8,153.85 a week or an average monthly of 35,333.33 and that does count the extra at times for doctor and medicine.

Yeah, we don't know that much about the situation but my opinion is that you might be supplying enough.  Do you have any idea how much her brother makes?

By the way, the minimum wage for a Kasambahay (which no, we don't go by) in the NCR is 2,500 a month or 60,000 a year plus usually food and shelter, etc.  They usually get one off day a week plus a few days vacation time a year.

A timely response from a far more experienced man than me, I can assume that these figures are pre tax based on my knowledge of pay rates in the provinces and that's where they lay as city centres are higher and also feel you are being some what generous Bud, so lose at least P 1.5 to 2k per month with tax etc. So, your P 9,620 is back to say P8,000per month.
Back to the P 5K rent,,,,,,,,, hmmm, if there are 4 people sharing in Paranaque back blocks or Tondo high life or Intromurus middle that's a one room abode, in the province that's a 2 or 3 bed house, depending on where. We the readers and contributors of this forum need more info from Jarrious to enable us to help/confirm "his suspicions". As I said earlier My partner scoffed, (which he rarely does being a Filipino) that is ridiculous and shook his head, from the mouths of babes so to speak.

I do hope Jarrious comes back on board with more info or a response given the input from members asking more questions to help with his situation.

Cheers,Steve.

Offline Brisbane

  • Full Member
  • **
  • Posts: 34
Re: Am I sending my wife too much money?
« Reply #14 on: June 28, 2016, 07:03:34 PM »
Yes I should have mentioned that she lives in angeles city. I know who my wife is and I wouldn't marry somebody I didn't know well. I wouldn't marry somebody if I wasn't sure if they were using me. If she was using me she would have left me a long time ago because I don't have that much money. And yes I did mention how long I've known her before we married. I definitely know it's her brother, he was at our wedding and I spent a whole month with her family and I've never given them money nor have they asked for any. I definitely know she's got medical problems because I've spent plenty of time with her. She's sent me plenty of pictures of herself in hospital. She's sent me plenty of pictures of receits and medicine. And I can tell you she's not clever enough to scam people.

Just wondering how she supported herself before she met you? If she was earning good money then she might have more of a lifestyle issue.

 


bisaya, cebuano, cebuano lessons, bisaya lessons
Romantic Tagalog