Author Topic: age difference acceptance  (Read 3193 times)

Offline busydiver

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age difference acceptance
« on: December 27, 2016, 09:17:30 PM »

 I recently met a nice lady on line. educated and working as a manager in a call center in quezon city. We have talked on skype face to face many times so I know she is legit. She is very mature for her age when I consider how she speaks and is mature beyond her years imho. I do intend to meet her in a few months as I am planning to travel there. I am 58 and average looking. My question is this...she is 25 so our age difference is 33 years. I admit I am still trying to wrap my head around this and wonder if this is too much of an age difference to be realistic? I dont have children but the thought crossed my mind I could have a daughter this age..

Anyway I would like your thoughts on the age difference and what is normally accepted. If we were to hit it off etc. I think bringing her to the USA would certainly raise many eyebrows and I would be looked at quite strangely but that is for another day.

Thanks for the comments

Offline iamjames

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2016, 09:43:24 PM »
Age difference is not a factor here. Philippine women (as in all poor countries) marry for financial security above all else. It would sometimes appear that they are encouraged from a very early age to try catch a foreign "rich"husband. ALL foreigners are seen as having unlimited wealth and are looked at as the pension fund of the extended family for the future.

In ALL underdeveloped countries age is not nearly as important as security. Half your age +7 is the standard maximum difference in the developed countries. It does not apply here.

Some demented 70 year olds think it is real love when a 17 year old tells them they love them. Other 70 year olds have a minimum of brain cells that enable them to see the real logic. 

If you have a genuine respect for the lady then half your age is not too much of a difference here.

Offline Lee2

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2016, 09:58:32 PM »
Welcome to the forum.
Age differences in the Philippines are common between westerners and Filipinas and even between rich Filipinos and their gf's and wives and I for one say the heck what other people think, what is important is what you think and feel and how your health is.

My wife was 23 when we met and 26 when we married, I was 46 and did not have any concerns back then, yet many seemed to think she was my daughter while in the U.S. and that did not bother either one of us. Now  I am 68 and she is 48 and the age difference matters a lot to me but she still does not mind. While I love my wife beyond words, I think a lot nowadays about my age and how I can make sure to provide for her for when I am gone and how I can continue to keep up with her while I am still here, thus if I had it to do again then I think I would try to find someone a little older, yet at the same time I would not want to change the 22 plus years we have been together even one bit. What I am getting at is a lot will depend on you and her and on your health and her state of mind..

I hope the above helps and I wish you both the best life has to offer.
:) Happily married since 1994 & live part of the year in Cebu and the rest in S. Florida.

Offline Lee2

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2016, 10:02:58 PM »
To clarify James post for caution, 18 is the minimum legal age in the Philippines...
:) Happily married since 1994 & live part of the year in Cebu and the rest in S. Florida.

Offline busydiver

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2016, 06:05:30 AM »

Thank you all for your input and perspective. It gives me some good information to think about.

Bernie

Offline trevor

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2016, 04:14:54 PM »
Well speaking for myself i was 58 and my now wife 27 when we first met. Actually my son is older than her by a couple of years. I brought her to the west and we got married and been married now for 15 yrs. with one 12 yrs. old daughter. I could not be more happier and wish that i had met her much earlier. She is very mature, educated and knows how to deal with people. We are very compatible. Some people did think she was my daughter but that is okay.
You have to do what is best for you and no other way. It can work out i am sure.
Wish you the best. Take care. God Bless.
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Offline suzukig1

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2016, 05:33:01 PM »
If she doesn't have children yet she will probably want children.  It is something that you should definitely talk about.

Offline Gray Wolf

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2016, 04:24:33 AM »
Yes, definitely have the conversation about what she envisions life being like with you. When my wife and I met, she brought up raising a family of her own. I quickly told her it wasn't possible since I had been "fixed" years ago. We continued with our relationship and she not only has accepted the fact we won't have children, she actually feels blessed by not having any. She now has complete freedom and loves it. Besides, we have plenty of nieces, nephews, grand-nieces and grand-nephews to keep us occupied.  :D

BTW, I'm turning 66 in a few days. My wife turned 51 earlier this year. 14.5 year difference. Walang problema! Age is in the mind, not the body. I act like a 12 yr-old. Glo acts like she's 9.  :)
Louisville, KY USA

Offline Hestecrefter

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #8 on: December 29, 2016, 10:01:24 AM »
Welcome to the forum, Bernie.

I am a member of the over-30 club when it comes to age difference.  Married for 14 years.  We have one child, age 13.  I did not have kids before.

Our story is a bit unusual and I was not looking for a wife when we met.  Circumstances not faced by most drew us together and our marriage resulted.  It has been good.  But I would have to offer comments similar to Lee's.  As the years go by, I become more concerned.  The number one concern is for my wife's welfare after I am gone.  I have a decent pension that will die with me and I am still working online for the same employer of many years and I am still earning good money.  I was doing that work and living in the Phils when we met. We have a nice home and lifestyle and I do not want my wife to face a significant reduction in her standard of living upon my demise.  She should be able to keep our home if she desires, or move if she desires.  But selling her home to raise money to live is not something I could countenance.  She says she won't likely return to the Phils.

Right now, the plan I have for her is to retain an income property we have.  It produces about USD5,000/mo. net of expenses, before income tax.  The underlying asset is worth well over USD1 million and its value and the rent it produces should more or less track inflation. 

Every day we see online stories and advice about how much one needs to save to retire unless one has a defined benefit pension plan of some substance.  I have that; my wife will not.  We are oft admonished by these online experts that $1 million will not be enough to see a retired couple through from age 65.  So how much more is required for a woman in her 40s or 50s?  Two million might be a start. 

I also recognize that if I hand my wife $2 million in cash on my way out the door, the fund will be at risk.  She lacks the skills to manage an amount like that.  It could disappear quite quickly.  Investing it for interest will see it hopelessly eroded by inflation. Coming up with a prudent, inflation-proof long-term investment strategy might not be a problem for many on this forum, whose wives are highly-educated professionals.  My wife is not in that league, so I must do some planning for her.  I also have some retirement savings apart from my pension.  I do not think that fund will be required while I am alive, so it will provide some cushion for her.

I have heard some guys say of the wives: “Well, she is young, has a job and can take care of herself.”  I am not sure that is a satisfactory response.  Relatively few match their husband’s earnings.  It is also a consideration as to what you envision for your retirement.  Doing things together or packing your wife’s lunch every day and sending her off to work.

If I were on my own, or with a wife close in age, I would sell the income property now, liquidate the retirement savings and blow the money on toys, or profligate living.  However, the circumstances I have created for myself will not allow that.  I knew that going in, so I am not discontent with my current circumstances, but my best advice is to think it through, with care.

As has been mentioned here, what about children?  Many young Filipinas, with a kano in their sights, will cross their fingers behind their backs and swear that they do not want kids if they perceive that to be the required response.  But family is everything in the Phils and there are few who truly want no part of it. 

I look at my own situation.  If I depart this life when my wife is around 50, leaving finance issues aside, what will be her circumstances?  Will she have a host of good prospects for re-marriage?  Unlikely.  Having children will give her something.  She will have given me the best years of her youth and I do not want to leave her bereft of close family.  It would be selfish indeed for me to deny her offspring and then check out leaving her with nothing.  I would venture that Gray Wolf’s situation is not the norm - a wife who is thrilled not to have kids.  As for being free from kid-related domestic duties at age 51 (Gray Wolf’s wife’s age), when my wife is 51, our child will be 31.  I would hope by then the domestic burden will be no longer.  A related issue of course with kids is education.  It can be expensive.  I am prepared for a bill of well over $100,000 for one child.  Not for 5 or 6. 

There are no right or wrong answers in these things.  We are all different.  Perhaps I should take some of that back.  It is only right that you consider your gf/wife’s long-term welfare as well as your own, and act accordingly.

Best wishes.

Offline jjcabgou

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #9 on: December 29, 2016, 01:53:14 PM »
Welcome to the forum.
Age differences in the Philippines are common between westerners and Filipinas and even between rich Filipinos and their gf's and wives and I for one say the heck what other people think, what is important is what you think and feel and how your health is.

My wife was 23 when we met and 26 when we married, I was 46 and did not have any concerns back then, yet many seemed to think she was my daughter while in the U.S. and that did not bother either one of us. Now  I am 68 and she is 48 and the age difference matters a lot to me but she still does not mind. While I love my wife beyond words, I think a lot nowadays about my age and how I can make sure to provide for her for when I am gone and how I can continue to keep up with her while I am still here, thus if I had it to do again then I think I would try to find someone a little older, yet at the same time I would not want to change the 22 plus years we have been together even one bit. What I am getting at is a lot will depend on you and her and on your health and her state of mind..

I hope the above helps and I wish you both the best life has to offer.
Very thoughtful and honest post Lee.   I do believe age difference does matter, (to a certain extent), and it is incumbent on the man to honestly evaluate the life challenges, children for one, and the other is when you get up there in age, and your wife is still relatively young.   My wife is 18 years younger than me and it is not a big difference now, but it will become more apparent as I get older.   Filipinas yearn for a secure, loving, responsible man and they do not think of age, they cant look that far into the future...  and please dont read into this that I am condemning big age differences, because I am not at all.   as somebody stated, there is no easy answer, and each situation is different, but I do believe it is the responsibility of the older man to think about the future and the well being of the individual he is marrying (trust me, the girl will NOT look that far into the future)

Offline squancey

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #10 on: December 31, 2016, 12:14:54 AM »
You need to wrap your head around the age difference thing pretty quickly, if you are considering taking things further and going out there to meet her.

I was lucky I lived and worked in Manila and meeting my wife seemed 'normal' and even now that we have moved to the UK, I have not encountered any issues with the age difference. But as to what others think or say, who cares !!!

My wife is 25 years younger than me, and to me (and her) it makes no difference. Thankfully I am a 'young' 53 years old, very active and we share a lot of common likes, and do lots of thing together. She is younger than my son, but she gets on very well with my family.

Just be very very careful along the way, I certainly couldn't start a relationship long distance like you have.

As you may have read on here, the main issue about meeting someone online is money. Again I was lucky, in the 4 years we have been together my wife has not asked me for a single penny (or peso) for her family, even though I have offered. Instead she waited until she recently got a job herself, and sends money to her family from her own salary.

My Philippines and Other Travel Vids https://youtube.com/c/letsallgoto


Offline Gray Wolf

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #11 on: December 31, 2016, 03:47:15 AM »
Louisville, KY USA

Offline iamjames

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #12 on: December 31, 2016, 09:36:55 AM »
Get a new shirt. I got a new one and my GF says it makes me look younger - at least three months!!  :o

Offline ABCDeVil

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #13 on: January 06, 2017, 11:15:43 PM »
I recently met a nice lady ....she is 25 so our age difference is 33 years.

Hi Busydiver,

I am in a similiar age difference to you. My "now" wife and I, have been together for 3.5 yrs and will celebrate our 1st anniversary this Sunday. We live full time in the Phils, where the age gap is not an issue. Yet, I am sure that if we lived in Aus, the looks, stares, innuendo from others, might bother some people, but neither of us are either concerned or worried. It is all apart of how my asawa & I have grown and developed together over the years and I personally expect this growth to continue. Here in the Phils, we have many mixed marriage couples as "great" friends and are so well accepted within the are we reside. Being frequent travellers around the Phils, we do not find too many people, trying to give us a hard time, due to the age gap. It is in fact the opposite on most occasions.

The only issue that has occurred, it that, since me leaving Aus, 4 years ago, my 2 adult children, who are both older than my asawa, do not talk to me too much. But when I did leave Aus, I had not yet met my asawa, so just me leaving my home country, started their silence, but now they use the age gap as the excuse. Really, its just up to each person, on how they want to view the whole age gap situation. We like our friends, treat each person on their own merits and the rest can care for themselves, if you know what I mean.

Just make sure you can deal with any possible situation that can happen, due to the age gap scenario and work towards building your own strong bond, so that anything is dealt with, as a united couple. If you can, the future will be bright, happy and full of great things. Good luck for your future, whichever way you decide to travel.

ABC

Offline itsgalf

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Re: age difference acceptance
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2017, 05:56:32 AM »
Some interesting reads.

My wife is a month older than me  :) but we both look younger than our age. I think so anyway

 


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