Author Topic: Dreams  (Read 3968 times)

Offline sacalait

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Dreams
« on: February 22, 2017, 12:09:41 PM »
Last night Juliet dreamed that I am having an affair ? Imagine that ? I have never had another relation here, but there was a single time that a customer of mine sent a woman to my hotel. I did go down to tell her that I was not interested, and then I retired for the night.
This woman then sent messages to me via viber. Juliet saw her there, and now accuses me of sleeping with her? I never did such a thing, and never would,  but she dreamed that I did, and this was our morning topic today.
Needless to say that my feelings are hurt bad, because I did nothing wrong. But her dream haunts her to the point that she thinks to much.
How can I prove my innocents? Philipino women are jealous big time, and I am guilty automatically?
I could never hurt Juliet in any way, but she does not believe my story? I dont know what to do?
Any help from you guys here???

Offline Lee2

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2017, 12:23:06 PM »
This may be more so because you are not married yet but I suggest you tell her that the sure way to drive you away would be for her to act jealous. I refuse to tolerate a jealous woman and especially when I would never cheat, thankfully Nila knows that and is not jealous. Tell Juliet that you came all the way to the Philippines for her and only her and that her dreams are just that, dreams.
:) Happily married since 1994 & live part of the year in Cebu and the rest in S. Florida.

Offline sacalait

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2017, 12:34:42 PM »
Thanks Lee, l will try. But she is dead set on this. I can not lose her now, or return to the US. I gave up a 164k per year job to come here. I have nothing if I go home now. All is invested in our home here.

Offline Lee2

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2017, 02:51:33 PM »
Thanks Lee, l will try. But she is dead set on this. I can not lose her now, or return to the US. I gave up a 164k per year job to come here. I have nothing if I go home now. All is invested in our home here.
and thus why you need to know if she is intentionally trying to chase you away, I am not saying that she is but after all the money you spent on her families house, it becomes a possibility that other motives could possibly now be coming to light, many a man has been duped out of their life savings in a similar fashion in the Philippines, I pray that is not the case, but why now, what changed for her to supposedly start having those dreams now, you need to ask her and get to the bottom of it and if she has changed her mind about your relationship then unfortunately you will have to move on and if not then she will have to stop the silliness.
:) Happily married since 1994 & live part of the year in Cebu and the rest in S. Florida.

Offline iamjames

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2017, 03:01:58 PM »
Unfortunately there is a very thin border line between dreams and reality with the Filipinas. Do not tolerate your being blamed for her crazy dreams. See which one she sees as correct

Offline sacalait

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2017, 03:13:21 PM »
Thanks guys. I have already told my sister in Mississippi that I am coming home.you both are probably right. I spent 500000php, and she has it made now. However, I will take a big hammer to the tv, fridge, hot water heater, and all else I can destroy!! Then catch the bus. The woman has become quite the bitch!! I will ask for my half back before tearing the place down.

Offline sacalait

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2017, 03:14:55 PM »
I can be quite destructive when provoked

Offline bigrod

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2017, 03:27:11 PM »
Understand your feelings but understand you are the foreigner here.  Your proposed actions could land you in the local jail or worse.  I spent over 90 days in the BI detention center while it was no picnic it was a hell of a lot better than the local jails.  Your best bet is chalk it up as a lesson learned and get out of there in one piece.  If you can disable the appliance prior to your departure without being discovered that would probably be a better idea.

Chuck
Life is  to short not to live it right the first time

Offline Lee2

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2017, 03:39:28 PM »
I can be quite destructive when provoked
As Chuck already wrote, lick your wounds and move on, do not do anything to get yourself put in jail.

Now before going home, why don't you come to Cebu and look around, you may find yourself another nice lady, heck you are already halfway around the world, why not get to see some of the rest of the Philippines and at least in Cebu you will feel at home with the many westerners who walk around there. I am leaving for Cebu in a few hours, if all goes as planned I will be there on the early morning of the 24th and I would be happy to try to show you around some once my brain gets on that time zone.

added, either way please check back in and let us know that you are okay once you get where you are going and email me.
:) Happily married since 1994 & live part of the year in Cebu and the rest in S. Florida.

Offline Art, just a re(tired) Fil-Am

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2017, 04:12:13 PM »
Take Lee's advise and take the next flight out to Cebu without any commotion with her prior to leaving. Just leave peacefully! Cebu may have what you need to get your head together before considering going back to the U.S..
"Life is what we all make it to be"!
"It's always a matter of money"!
"Do on to others as they would do on to You, but do it first"!
"Different strokes for different folks"!
"Que Sera Sera"!

Offline Balisidar

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2017, 06:24:52 PM »
Wow.  All these replies about leaving her.  Not one advising patience or putting yourself in her place.  This is one of those times when cultures clash.
  I have been married (happily for the most part) for thirty one years.  During that time my wife has been jealous several times (with no cause).  I would say keep talking to her and be patient with her.  Filipinas are very jealous for the most part.  This is just one of those tests that she'll put you through.  Dreams are a powerful thing in Philippine culture as are other deep rooted superstitions.  Even after being married so long it's taken a lot of time and patience to overcome my wife's superstitions and many persist. 
  Marriage or a relationship to someone of another culture takes hard work but if the love is really there it will pay you big dividends in the future.
  One of the keys that I found out and made me understand my wife's point of view was talking to her about her childhood and talking to her relatives.  I found out that her dad had messed around on her mom.  Not hard in my case to put two and two together.  It was easy after that to put myself in her shoes.
Best of luck to you in whatever you decide to do.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2017, 06:55:06 PM by Balisidar »

Offline Art, just a re(tired) Fil-Am

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #11 on: February 22, 2017, 09:11:36 PM »
It's just a gut feeling of on my part of an hopeless case of a grown woman with such a petty feeling like that! I myself would not put up with BS like that. My wife and I have been together 30 years and never went through such petty BS of that nature.
Sorry if I'm wrong in his case.
"Life is what we all make it to be"!
"It's always a matter of money"!
"Do on to others as they would do on to You, but do it first"!
"Different strokes for different folks"!
"Que Sera Sera"!

Offline David690

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #12 on: February 22, 2017, 10:12:10 PM »
I'm with Balisidar on this one.  I would not be planning on walking away at this stage.  It is true that dreams are a part of the culture here and sometimes the ladies can and often do, think and sometimes react quite differently to how a western lady might react. Having said that I'm pretty sure a lot of western women would react pretty strongly too if they found messages from another woman on your phone.  You didn't say what was in those messages and obviously that is your own business, but clearly they were enough to make your lady react this way.  I don't have any words of wisdom on what you can say or do to put her mind at ease, but I do think you have to hang on in there until it really is clear that it is a lost cause, the more so if you have invested a lot into the relationship, both financially and time-wise.  Wishing you all the best and hope that you can work things out.
Londoner at heart

Offline JoeLP

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #13 on: February 23, 2017, 12:12:57 AM »
My ex was great for 3 years(filipina).  But then she flipped.  And to this day I have no idea why.  I came home late due to work in the office and her first words when i walked in were "Who is she?".  I paused, not understanding.  Then when it hit me, I was stunned.  She kept pushing.

It NEVER cleared up after that.  Always accusing me of cheating.  2 years later we were done. 

Have a friend here.  Ex USAF vet.  We would so spend a day together here or there from time to time.  His wife started accusing him.  Then went on to tell some people that I was covering for him. Tina heard this.  She questioned me.  No accusing, just to be informed.  Then on a trip to Calbayog, Tina went with us.  My friend's wife accused again(thinking it was just me and my friend).  This time Tina had enough and fully believed me and my friend and started to make it clear of her thoughts on this when questioned.

Here's what I believe.  It's cultural.  I saw enough pinoy movies to understand that cheating is a VERY cultural thing.  It's in the movies, tv shows, and more.  I want to be careful and this might be slightly worded wrong, but it's almost expected that if the man has money, he has at least on mistress in the pinoy culture.

We foreigners have money.  I can see very easily how it is just expected that we all have mistresses.  Wrong for that to happen, but I can understand it.  After my ex, I would not, and will not put up with that junk behavior.  Un warranted and I just won't deal with it.  So every woman I met after my divorce I made it clear that kind of drama will not be welcomed or allowed.  More than a few women kept moving on.

Tina, thankfully, doesn't mess around and is very blunt.  Also, very connected and knows what I'm doing even when I just go off for a walk without talking to her first.  A lot or locals report on me.  And not because she asks for it.  More of a "hey, saw joe over at so and so place...".  I actually like it.  By now she's fully accepted I am loyal to her and we have none of the problems that I had with my ex.
In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

Offline Hestecrefter

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Re: Dreams
« Reply #14 on: February 23, 2017, 03:01:32 AM »
I agree with Lee’s comment thus: “Tell Juliet that you came all the way to the Philippines for her and only her and that her dreams are just that, dreams.”

That means I also agree with those who are saying do not be so quick to conclude you have a crazy bitch on your hands and give up.  As spoke Balisidar:  “Dreams are a powerful thing in Philippine culture as are other deep rooted superstitions.”  I have been in relationships with several Filipinas over almost 25 years and the whole dream/superstition thing is a strong undercurrent.  But, as Lee and JoeLP have said, that does not mean you have to put up with endless nonsense. 

Hence I agree you should reinforce to your girl that you came there for her.  You are kano.  You have money.  You could go anywhere, any time in the RP and elsewhere and have as many women as you like, but that’s not what you are about.  You did not come all that way and invest what you have with her to become a cheating husband.  You are getting on in years and you simply want to be settled with one woman forever.   You thought you had found her, but now she is hurting your heart and threatening to destroy what you have together because of a dream.  Stuff like that.  I am not telling you to be insincere, because it should be easy to speak such words in earnest.

Walk softly, but carry a big stick.  Convey to her that you understand her, that you want to allay her fears, but should she choose to always be questioning, doubting, suspecting, then life is too short for that and you will be gone in order to find peace with someone who can see and appreciate the real you.

I am reinforced in my view of this matter because of the “other woman” sending you text messages.  I have known a few “kana” girls who would have all valves blown over that one.  It is worse for a Filipina to see such things because, as JoeLP suggests, they are programmed to expect cheating. 

I lived for a time in a community in Quezon City inhabited largely by well-to-do Filipino families.  The cheating that went on was scarcely concealed.  I had Filipino neighbors who would come to our home for dinner and when the men had me alone, they would suggest that I should have a mistress and they would hook me up.  I declined, but to them it was all very ordinary.  I also personally know more than a few Filipino men who have, in effect, a second family or kids outside their marriages.  I suspect you have already observed that.  It’s endemic.  I have also had Filipinas say to me that they want to marry a kano because they regard them as less likely to cheat.

 


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