Living in The Philippines > Philippine Culture, Filipino Family Relationships

Don't live too close to relatives

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chimellie:
Hi guys,
About 5 years ago my wife told me she want to build a retirement home in Cebu, so we started looking for land there and we found a perfect lot near her family and we bought the lot and had a house built. The whole process took about a year and half. We built a one floor ranch because we don't want to walk up and down the stairs when we get old.

Right now my brother in-law and his family live there and I'm glad that they do because they keep an eye on the house, they keep the property clean, so far so good with them, I don't have any problem with them and thankful that they stay there .

We visit Cebu about once a year and stay in my house with them because it's a big place, 4 bedrooms, 3 cr's, 2 kitchens. when we are there we get lots of visitors almost everyday mostly cousins, nieces and nephews . We always give them gifts from the US. Most people are very good, they are happy with what we give them. But because we stay so close to them, they come regularly and some complain about how they don't have enough to eat, they have big families, it makes me feel bad so we end up give them money everyday. Some borrowed money but they never paid back. I had to tell them if you borrow you have to pay back no matter how small it is, it's the principle .

My advice to you guys is never build your retirement home too close to your wife's family, it could create problems.       

Anyone here in the same situation ?

   

chimellie:
Hi Mods, can I post some pictures ? if it's ok please pm me

Thanks

JoeLP:
If you dig deep enough into this site you'll see that warning 1.5 million times.  If Tina wasn't already established with her catering business and all I wouldn't be living in Catarman and property we own is outside Catarman by an over 30 minute drive which is enough to keep most family away.

Also, having researched it and knowing this is an obstacle, I was still hesitant to do what we did(build our own home on the back of her family compound) and warned her that I was not a family bank and she would need to be as much a guard of that concept as I am.  She agreed and has followed through.  After the first year here the requests are almost nil.  She just shuts them down and actually uses the words I used, but in local dialect.  "We are not your bank.  You need money, go to one of those."  Or at least, something close to that.

That still didn't stop her sisters...one in particular...from just walking into our home and taking things.  That took more than a year to put a stop on.  But that is done now also.

Lee2:

--- Quote from: chimellie on June 07, 2018, 01:19:52 AM ---Hi guys,
About 5 years ago my wife told me she want to build a retirement home in Cebu, so we started looking for land there and we found a perfect lot near her family and we bought the lot and had a house built. The whole process took about a year and half. We built a one floor ranch because we don't want to walk up and down the stairs when we get old.

Right now my brother in-law and his family live there and I'm glad that they do because they keep an eye on the house, they keep the property clean, so far so good with them, I don't have any problem with them and thankful that they stay there .

We visit Cebu about once a year and stay in my house with them because it's a big place, 4 bedrooms, 3 cr's, 2 kitchens. when we are there we get lots of visitors almost everyday mostly cousins, nieces and nephews . We always give them gifts from the US. Most people are very good, they are happy with what we give them. But because we stay so close to them, they come regularly and some complain about how they don't have enough to eat, they have big families, it makes me feel bad so we end up give them money everyday. Some borrowed money but they never paid back. I had to tell them if you borrow you have to pay back no matter how small it is, it's the principle .

My advice to you guys is never build your retirement home too close to your wife's family, it could create problems.       

Anyone here in the same situation ?
--- End quote ---
and a beautiful house it is, Nila and I got to see it some years ago with another couple that you were or are friends with, they also lived in Cebu at the time, we lost track of them, I likely said or did something to upset the guy but not much I can do about that now, the Lyrica I used to take was really playing games with my head back then, anyway real friends tell a friend if they do something wrong, not disappear, yet that part is life, anyway I agree with you on not living too close to some family members, while others like the ones we met who live in your house there in Talisay seem like they are very nice people, we have always enjoyed spending time with them whenever you were in town and you invited Nila and I over.

I see you asked for some photos to be posted, here are some I found of your house, I will look and see if I can find some others and post them too and you are welcome to email any you would like posted, maybe you should sell that house to get away from the rest of the family, just a thought, if I lived there full time then that would be a house I would love to have, I like the location too, blocks from the Tabunok Public Market, great location IMO.

Anyway let me know if I can do anything for you should the time come...

Lee2:
Some more photos I found of the house but they were from years ago so things may have changed? the earlier ones I posted were fairly recent.
The front door photo #1 a grand entrance for a grand home
#2 the wet kitchen
#3 me walking around the outside of the front.

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