In the Philippines, "yes" is yes, "maybe" is no
and "no" is rarely heard. A- a Filipino a "yes" or "no"
question. Whether tria1 ("Are you coming to my party?")
or serious ("Can I borrow money?"), one is likely to get
a "yes," if the idea sits well with him. If it doesn't,
he won't say "no," he'll say "maybe." His response,
irresolute as it may seem to non-Filipinos, doesn't
necessarily reflect an inability to make decisions.
Rather, it shows a well-mastered tact of protecting the
other person from hurt. He says "maybe" though he means
"no" to soften the force of a direct negative and thus
immediately assuage the other person's feelings.
A description of Filipino society may be culled from what anthropologists
call a "high-context" culture, one in which the modes of behavior are not
explicitly stated but are instead inferred in many different ways, such as
tone of voice, body language and the idiosyncrasies of the linguafranca.
(By contrast, the "low context" behavior of Western societies is seen as
abrasive, uncouth and impersonal.) In a "high context" culture,
interpersonal communication operates both on personal feelings as well as
upon the anticipated reaction of the other person.
This explains the Filipino's sharp intuitive sense or what he calls
pakiramdam. It is a skill, learned from birth, which enables him to grasp
nuances, much like a trained musical ear distinguishes secondary and
tertiary themes in a dense symphony.
Pakiramdam, the level on which Filipinos carry on day-to-day relationships
is the externalization of an inner sensitivity called damdam. Damdam is
made up of sentiments that collectively form the Filipino's sense of self.
Thus hurting the feelings of a Filipino is the same as hurting his
self-esteem. It is tantamount to destroying the person himself. And when
he loses face, he rises in defense of his life.
Philippine history is replete with examples of how far Filipinos would go
to salvage wounded pride. Many of these occurred during the Spanish
period, the archipelago's first contact with the West, an encounter
between a people secure in their island-world and a people who were the
product of the brutal age of colonization. Poles apart, their twains never
met because they failed "to read" each other.
Although forced labor was an underlying cause
of an 85-year revolution led by Bohol Island chieftain Francisco Dagohoy,
it was the refusal of a Jesuit priest to give his brother a Christian
burial (the insult and loss of face) that triggered it. Apolinario de la
Cruz, a lay associate, was refused admission into the religious order
because he was an indio. He rebeled against the Spanish priests and
founded a religious order exclusively for natives.
In more recent times, the Filipinos' need to regain their pride led to the
EDSA Revolution of 1986. Their "parliament in the streets" removed the
Marcos regime and restored the nation's democratic processes.
How did Filipinos develop their own brand of sensitivity and how does it
perpetuate itself in modern society? Certa.a aspects of Filipino history
and culture offer some clues.
Then, as now, Filipinos tend to move in small social circles. Their
groupings began with riverine settlements called barangay populated by
families belonging to the same clan. In the barangay society everyone knew
each other by name and by personal history, followed the same traditions,
fought common enemies.
Through the years, the barangay became a village, the village became a
town, the town became a city and so on. But the quality of interpersonal
relationships barely changed. Today, even in a megapolis like Metro
Manila, Filipinos mingle in close, almost incestuous societal units.
It is not unusual in Filipino society for one's best friend to be a
sibling or a first cousin. When moving outside the family unit, the school
or profession becomes the next societal grouping. These bonding groups are
close enough to be considered surrogate families. As with any close group,
whether it be the family, the community or an entire nation, shared
behavior patterns form.
Everybody knows the basic tenets of behavior. In the Philippines, as in
most of Asia, these tenets are based on respect, another outward
manifestation of pakiramdam. Only in the Philippines would one find a
young executive addressing the company messenger, a much older man, in the
third person plural and using the respectful term po.
Language has trained Filipinos to distinguish between intentionality and
non-intentionality. For example, the word suntok, which in English has the
neutral meaning to "hit," changes color when infixed or prefixed: sinuntok
means "was hit intentionally," nasuntok means "was hit unintentionally.
"
Because directness is considered impolite, Filipinos use indirect speech
to convey a need or desire. If a guest so much as talks about the heat,
the host's rejoinder must be cold drink.
Filipinos also have their own body language which, oftentimes, they alone
can read. They can detect an insincere smile, which'they call ngiting aso,
the smile of a dog; a dour disposition (mukhang biernes Santo, or a face
for Good Friday); honesty (maaliwalas ang mukha,"or a clean, fresh face.)
If in the West a declaration of decisiveness is "I mean what I say and I
say what I mean," in the Philippines it is "watch what I do and you will
know what I mean." Through a highly developed sense of person, the
Filipino has extended communication from a "me/you" model to a "me/
you/us" model, internalizing the person he is trying to reach. It is
communication which heeds the Filipino saying, "Kapwa ko, kapatid ko." "My
fellowman is my brother," therefore, "the person in him is the same person
in me." ? |
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