Living In The Philippines Forum

Contributions By Members => Central Philippines VISAYAS => Topic started by: JoeLP on April 24, 2015, 12:12:58 AM

Title: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: JoeLP on April 24, 2015, 12:12:58 AM
So after I moved here(Tina already talked me into building a house behind her family's.  I did it in faith) it didn't take me long to regret where I decided to invest money in building a house.  Water, food from fridge, and more all disappearing on a regular basis.  I wanted out and to buy/build a home somewhere further away form the family.

For about 21 months now I've been hunting for the place, and it seemed quite elusive.  I was even settling for other homes in Catarman, but on the other side.

Then yesterday happened.  The sisters finally pushed Tina too far and she stormed up into our 2nd level of our home and the look on her face was not a happy look.  It was that mad look that made me wonder if it was better for me to sit quiet or to sneak out.  I sat quiet.  Finally she said "We're moving out." and that's it. 

After a bit of time, about 30 minutes she talked again and was calmer.  Now, wasn't going to get in the way of this happening at all, but then had to bring it up to her that we have one issue, where to go.  She said she got that taken care of.  We went to a birthday party we already made plans for and were invited to and accepted the invitation to months ago.  Had fun, but on the way home she had us take a turn off the road one town from the town we live in.  I've taken this national road often, but never this side road.  Went back about 50 meters and she had me turn into a home's driveway. 

Unbeknownst to me, this is one of Tina's cousins.  In a very nice all cement built home on a nice lot.  The same cousin who's been talking to Tina a lot over the last 6 months trying to sell us her home.(she was married to a Japanese business man who bought her the lot and built her the home) and they are done now.  the home is too much for her to handle. 

So anyway, I went from trying to talk Tina into us getting our own place, without being able to find one, to now we are renting with plans to buy a much better house that is at least 5 miles from her family(doesnt' sound like much, I know,but most of her family doesn't have bikes or any other form of transport, so it's by a long way good enough for me) and I have Tina's blessing.(hell, she was pushing me out with her this time.)

Crazy how things work sometimes.  Always been in control of where I live and my ability to find a good home/condo/apartment throughout my life.(USA living)  Here, I struggle more than I want at it, and got real lucky with this.   A nice rural area, just a bit outside the Bobon town where a lot of the other foreign men that I like to talk with live.(I avoid a lot of the foreign men in Catarman.  They're are the type that can do nothing but complain about the place they decided to live in(Philippines).   A fully finished with cement walls, floors, and roof with a nice large(2000gal) water tank on the roof, nice windows(no screens, but that's fixable), and quality electric set up(high gauge wires in the walls). 

Sometimes you just get real lucky.
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: iamjames on April 24, 2015, 02:52:41 AM
It was always my policy back home to never live within 50 miles of in-laws or outlaws. If you live too close then their problems become your problems. That is more so a problem in countries like the Philippines. Here I think about 20 miles will suffice.

Anyone retiring here would do well to heed that advice if you want a somewhat peaceful retirement.  :'(
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: cvgtpc1 on April 24, 2015, 04:45:20 AM
Then yesterday happened. 

I love when that happens and the wallet does too. lol
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: medic3500 on April 24, 2015, 08:54:50 AM
I've only had a couple small issues with family and the wife put an end to it quickly. The wife did admit just recently that some of her family had tried talking her into finding another foreigner, one who has more money and can support everyone. I was happy to hear that she was highly pissed off and offended by the comments and put an end to it by making the comment at least he worked hard for 30 years for the small pension he receives which takes care of all mine and the three kids needs which is more than I can say for some of you that have never worked a real day in your life and always have a hand out. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when she said it and seen the look on their faces. Granted I am considered a cheap ass by them but they are fully aware I will not support them without cause.
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: Lee2 on April 24, 2015, 09:45:19 AM
JoeLP I feel for you and I hope your situation will be a learning experience for others.

Now please do not take this as an insult, but you had to leave a home that you bought and paid for, it is now reasonable to assume that the same taker family will get to inhabit the home you paid for, so to me it seems they won by you having to move. I think I would have put locks on the doors and windows and forbid any of them to enter your home but I am not you.

I hope your new home works out for you but IMHO you are not far enough away from the family, I suggest you move to another island and you might wish to consider a condo or gated community so that people need permission to be able to visit. JMHO
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: trevor on April 24, 2015, 01:11:37 PM
JoeLP i know what you are talking about. We also built a small house in a family compound back in year 2001.  Biggest mistake,
family members took advantage of us big time. There was always quarrel between the siblings. One sister took our light bulbs, our electric fans and was always in our house getting food. Other brother did not talk to us (tampo). We just ignored him.
Make a long story short we moved out after finding a nice lot and build our house. Fence all around and gate is always locked. Told them they are welcome for visits but at the least sign of a quarrel or anything i do not like then they will be banned.
We went through a lot with them. Never again.
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: JoeLP on April 24, 2015, 05:24:16 PM
To add to this, and at the great displeasure of the family, Tina made it VERY clear, that the house is still hers.  As the senior in the family, with parents dead and the Tita not caring what goes on, she really has full rights to the house and control over it. 

So the plan is to rent the house out.  She has some bites, and if all works out, we'll get close to the same rental amount for our "city home" as what we will be paying for the home in the rural area.  And Tina made it VERY clear to them that they better not even look wrong at the new tenants or she'll make their lives hell.

Add to this that we paid the internet, land line phone, cable, and half the electric bill.  We have one tv, one small fridge, one water dispenser, a laptop and 2 fans.  The big house has a bake shop inside it.  So they have about twice the lights, a freezer, large fridge, at least 5 fans, microwave, 4 laptops going at all times.  Then the kitchen appliances.  From the small "open oven" to the kitchenaid mixers, and more. 

So gone is all that.  On top of the fact that if they were making a play for the house, they are out of luck.
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: ABCDeVil on April 24, 2015, 05:47:16 PM
Good on you JoeLP. I am pleased that things are moving forward for your own family. It is unfortunate you have to leave so much behind in the old place. But sometimes thats the price we have to pay. Keep smiling and I wish you well for your future place.

Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: ronnsb on April 25, 2015, 09:26:50 AM
JoeLP...I'm really happy to see things working out for you and to you and medic3500....WOW! You both have excellent wives! They stuck by their man and I'm hoping my girl will do the same.

Lesson learned here and keeping your story always on my mind. Thanks for sharing! :)
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: coleman2347 on April 27, 2015, 10:24:56 PM
It must be something in the weather or the stars or something unknown to me....the week before we left for Cebu, my wife had it out with her two sisters....and thats a good thing...somehow they seem to think that what Maline has they should have.  They are always coming over and eating and drinking us out of house and home, the older one thinks nothing of stealing anything that she can get her hands on, you could not leave anything around, I even had to put a lock on out bedroom door as she would steal makeup from my wife, money, whatever was loose.
Anyway to make a long story short, Maline found out they were bad mouthing us, so she called the older one over and told her basically all of them could get lost, and this time she finally meant it.
I cant wait to get the house built in the province...its at least 20 miles from here...out of sight out of mind.
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: cogon88 on April 28, 2015, 07:18:09 AM
Wow Seems you all are discovering the beautiful Filipino Culture a friend from Canada just sold his home and furniture last week said he could no longer stand the bickering about money for planting rice etc with the in laws.

He had been living here 5 yrs built his dream home but he told his wife he had had enough and was going back home to Canada

She decided to go with him. I saw his new Chevy Z 71 truck at BDO parking lot the brother in law failed to make the payments on it

Just More fun in the Philippines
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: trevor on April 28, 2015, 01:00:51 PM
I have been here since the end of 2008. We help everyone, Often times with money and food, cloth for the kids, Tuition, medical, loans which are never repaid. Relatives are always at our house, especially during holiday times because we are expected to provide all the food and drinks which we do. The house was always open and our bedroom door not lock. After relatives leave we would always be  missing things. We had a good cutlery set of stainless steel. Gradually all our spoons disappeared, one at a time. Wife's clothe missing. Missing $200.00 from wife's bag. So now she is pissed. Began asking who was in our bedroom. Sister in law pointed finger at the girl who was working for us at the time, telling my wife that the girl took the money. Wife announced to the whole compound that she was going to give a lie detector test to everyone in the compound.
Actually wife had no way to give that test as she did not have machine for that. They did not know this and did not even know what a lie detector test consist of. So now the culprit is panicking. That person would be shamed before all the relatives and that is the worst thing that could happen to them. So now the culprit secretly call my wife aside and confessed. The same sister in law who was there with her three kids and who pointed the finger. Beg my wife not to tell anyone. My wife told me she could not tell because if her brother knew about it he would give her a good beating. 
That is just one incident that happen while living in the family compound. Too many to tell here. Some are very honest and will always help while some you just have to keep at arms length. Well we eventually moved out and build our own home.
We know the ones that we cannot trust. We know most people here are poor and needy but that is not a excuse to be dishonest.  I personally know of one English man who built a nice P5,000,000.00 house on the family lot. After about two years he was forced to sell it. All the family demanded that they get their share from the lot and the house. Sold the house at a big loss. What is so odd about that is the English man's wife is a Butch. (tom boy) guy must have been blind.
More fun in the Philippines.
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: BudM on April 28, 2015, 09:30:35 PM
Sure is a rash going around of wives getting PO'd at sister(s).  Family problem BS played in to me not having any family left in the U.S. that I want anything to do with.  Can happen here too if any more of them want to follow the leader (whom isn't even the eldest) and want to jump in to the fray.
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: JoeLP on April 28, 2015, 11:57:07 PM
I have not problem helping out.  Since I've been here I've been paying the school/college of at least 2 cousins of Tina's while paying for our own 2 boys also.  I've been paying a LOT MORE than my share of the electric for the compound.  I've bought more than enough food with the intent for them to have some(i.e. I leave some in the "family house" before I take the rest to the house Tina and I own), and yet, they still feel it's their right(the 2 sisters) to just march in and take what they want. 

When I finally started locking the doors on them they would pressure our boys to get the stuff they want.  Tina walked into the house unknown to them as they were giving our youngest hell to get him to go take some stuff from our home and give it to them.  THAT I don't stand for.
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: Art, just a re(tired) Fil-Am on April 29, 2015, 01:36:45 AM
Yup, it all fell together alright! That's why we moved far enough away from other members from both of our families and relatives and stopped the gravy train dead in it's tracks.
It took us 14 yrs years to do it, but we now love our privacy and the sound of silence just the two of us in our own home from the maddening crowd!  ::) ??? ;)
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: wildbill on June 25, 2015, 12:48:55 PM
my story is much the same as most but its long story I will share later to this posts good post very informative to new and old members.
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: coleman2347 on June 26, 2015, 09:24:08 AM
Thought I would post an update....Maline cut it off with her sisters the end of April...since then, the one that stole everything has bad mouthed her on FB etc but finally got tired of its been peaceful for almost a month and a half...the best thing to happen to us in years....and guess what, the food budget stays on speed, I left a 100p note out for a week and it was there when I went back..and I spend about half of what I was spending on beer...
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: BudM on June 26, 2015, 11:17:33 AM
Contrary to what some people think about how we should all adjust to fit in and accept, accept, accept and accept how the family, I say BS.  If they take and steal from you and when they try and walk all over you, it isn't going to happen here.  One bad apple in the bunch caused problems here and the law was laid down.  Now there isn't a problem since association was cut off.  Sure, a couple of others are upset now because it is supposed to be kissy, kissy, and all that and let's make up for the family.  BS.  Not when someone is willing to cut a sibs throat.  Nonsense had been going on too long as it was and now that I am in the picture, guess who's fault all the hate and discontent that brewed is being blamed on.  LoL.   My wife is happy, I am happy, most people who mean anything to us are happy and life is good.  Anyone of them who have a problem with it and any outsiders who do not agree all I can say is, tough crap.

And any of you who put yourself on a pedestal and us down (which there has been) because there might be a negative situation in among us and say that it is the way the family was bought up and you think everything is so pristine with every member of the family at your end, maybe so but if I was you, I would not bet my life savings on it.
Title: Re: Sometimes things just fall together.
Post by: Art, just a re(tired) Fil-Am on June 26, 2015, 11:51:24 AM
The only time that I had problems with my wife's family and relatives was always about money! My money, about half a million pesos that was never paid back! Hence, I stopped the gravy train dead in it's tracks! So, living far enough away from relatives did the trick! They're good people, but have no sense in money management when it comes to family business practices.   
We may not live in the Central Visaya's, but it's just the same no matter where one lives, it always seems to be all about the money! And no, what's mine is not theirs and never will be!