Living in The Philippines > Relationships

What have we(Filipinas) become....

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--- Quote from: iamjames on August 09, 2015, 03:59:39 PM ---This topic must revert ad rem because it has gone into la-la-land. Lei has a problem with younger Filipinas throwing themselves at older foreigners.

I have worked as a teacher all my life with all age groups from 4 to 70. It is quite normal for younger people to look on persons in authority in adulation. They see the father they never had. They see a wise person who knows everything. They see a kind person who could take care of them and protect them from danger. They see a sympathetic and understanding person who can take away pain they are suffering in life.

Filipinos look on all foreigners the same way. It is simply lack of experience or education.
Teachers experience this all the time. The difference is that any professional teacher recognises this for what it is and walks away maintaining an appropriate distance.

The foreigner, who does not understand this aspect of life, comes to the Philippines and gets the same adulation and treatment from all Filipinos. That is a normal reaction in any poor country. Unless they are an experienced person in dealing with this phenomenon they do not understand. Generally they see it as sexual attraction and treat it as such. The younger person reciprocates because they think 'this is the answer and solution'.

The foreigner thus is merely an unwitting predator and the Filipina is the ignorant prey. (I use the word 'ignorant' in the correct dictionary definition and not in any derogatory way).

Some call it love. The psychologist would call it immature infatuation.

When I see the reaction of many to a 'she done me wrong' story in SE Asia i really laugh. In all those situations it is a far younger and less educated local female who is doing the far older foreigner 'wrong'. Who is the fool? The young woman merely discovers the weak person behind the western facade and escapes as best she can or knows. I always wish these young women the best of luck.


--- End quote ---
great post

Well, to heed iamjames admonition to revert ad rem (yes, having 9 years of university education, and completing a doctoral degree, I can spout Latin with the best of 'em), I'll quote an earlier post thus:

--- Quote from: hitekcountry on August 03, 2015, 01:49:26 PM ---So He intends to line up 30-50 ladies as though they were cattle in an attempt to find his true love.

I might suggest that a lady of quality, one with self-respect, the one that a person would truly wish to find would never submit herself to that form of humiliation.

Only the most desperate will answer his call. Good luck with that.

--- End quote ---

I agree with the sentiment concerning the cattle call audition.  Rather sad, if true.  But, if true, I am not sure I share the comment about only the desperate, etc. responding.  I would expect the guy to carry out his plan in a somewhat discreet manner, such that each respondent is unaware there is a legion of others.  At least it should work that way if he employes a good traffic manager.

It is also rather pathetic in that about the only thing the guy can hope to learn anything about with so many "candidates" in such a short interval is their physical appearance.  Is that the sole criterion?  I'll look forward to the sequel.

While I can see some merit to James' comments about younger people, adulation, et c., I cannot, with respect, accept some rather sweeping generalizations, eg.: "Filipinos look on all foreigners that way."  That suggests that all Filipinos see all foreigners in a certain light, with no differentiation.  I find that comment suspect.  It is also patronizing of Filipinos, which is accepted in many circles, but should not be here.

--- Quote from: iamjames on August 09, 2015, 03:59:39 PM ---The foreigner, who does not understand this aspect of life, comes to the Philippines and gets the same adulation and treatment from all Filipinos. That is a normal reaction in any poor country. Unless they are an experienced person in dealing with this phenomenon they do not understand. Generally they see it as sexual attraction and treat it as such. The younger person reciprocates because they think 'this is the answer and solution'.

--- End quote ---

So, this suggests that the average foreigner is just too ignorant and inexperienced to apprehend the reality of the situation and construes it as "sexual attraction".  A literal reading of the post, with the reference to "all Filipinos", supports the interpretation that both male and female Filipinos will be perceived by the foreigner as sexually attracted to said foreigner.  I doubt that was intended, but it yields to that interpretation.

So, to revert ad rem for a moment, the topic was about Filipinas and perhaps this quote will help to re-focus:

--- Quote from: Lei on August 03, 2015, 08:16:06 AM ---
 What has become of us Filipinas. We have become so cheap and has lost morals. Of course, there's an exception. Was it due to so much poverty and a glimmer of hope to go abroad and have a better life?

--- End quote ---

I think the OP has captured it nicely, not with the statement about being cheap and losing morality.  I do see it as more related to poverty.  There are many who see hitching their cart to a foreigner's horse will provide a better life.  They see it all the time, where kababayan Filipinas they know have hit the jackpot.  The attraction is to the lure of a better life and I very much doubt the many of the kanos who are the objects of such attraction are so inexperienced, uneducated or delusional as to mistake the attraction as sexual.

--- Quote from: iamjames on August 09, 2015, 03:59:39 PM ---
The foreigner thus is merely an unwitting predator and the Filipina is the ignorant prey.

--- End quote ---

So, James, you were recently in a relationship with a Filipina some 30 years younger.  Given your atypical and superior insight into the matter stemming from your lifetime as an educator, were you a witting predator?  I am not saying you were, but I ask because if the tenor of your post allows such an inference to be drawn.

--- Quote from: iamjames on August 09, 2015, 03:59:39 PM ---
Some call it love. The psychologist would call it immature infatuation.

--- End quote ---

James, was your last relationship an "immature infatuation" which you abandoned upon attaining maturity?

For me, after 14 years married to someone 30 years younger, perhaps I have yet to mature and get over my infatuation.  From what I have read here, many others are in the same lamentable condition.

Forgive me from going on at length and indulging in a fine parsing of portions of your post, but I could not let your post pass without comment.  It purports to pigeonhole many of us and our relationships and portrays us and out partners in a most unflattering light.

Upon more mature consideration (should the likes of me be capable of such), it occurs to me I may be wholly in error in how I have viewed your post.  I am reinforced in that view because no one else has responded, other than to commend your post for its greatness.  Perhaps, as a new member here, with few posts and no credibility, I have acted rashly, in proceeding with unbridled haste to defend what needed no defending.  If so, I expect to be castigated in short order, without mercy.  Perhaps even banned.

Actually I am thoroughly enjoying both the viewpoints and the opposing view points...its almost as good as watching Neil Tyson debate Richard Dawkins...

IMHO, the American interviewing the Filipina girls is no different than interviewing for a job, yes there is no romantic inclination there...seems a little cut and dry but in the end not much different than dating a lot of Filipinas.

Having said that, the OP has the complete right and obligation to herself to only entertain people who she considers to be of good moral and financial status in her rental space.

Ive been on this forum since 2009 and have seen many, some who are no longer with us, some who are still here, pontificate on relationships, morality, the socio economic drivers involved between foreigners and Filipinas.  Might I say all to naught.

There are many foreigners here that come for the sex trade, its just a fact not and endorsement.  There are many Filipinas here that take advantage of that, just again a fact, not and endorsement.

There are also many foreigners here that contribute to the Philippines and have wonderful relationships.  I have met many...I suppose it depends on how you view things, is the glass half full or half empty

Does age difference matter?  Certainly it does, but only to the amount that love and understanding fails to overcome the difference. Does it take work and understanding, yes and unless you invest both work and understanding you are probably going to fail. 

Many come here with the idea of retiring in the land of sunshine and brown skinned beauties and see themselves lying by the sea, drinking Margaritas.  Not a bad dream but far from reality. At least it has not worked out that way for me. 

The title of the thread is What have we (Filipinas) become...well I have been coming here since 1967, and though there have been night and day changes from then till now, and a couple of  things have always been the same and that is that young Filipina women and older foreigner men have always been together in one fashion or the other.
The second is that a select few run the country and care nothing anybody but themselves.  To expect any different is liking expecting the sun to rise at midnight.

I personally was dating many girls here when I met my wife, I met her through a friend, hired her and she worked for me (no sex, no relationship) for over a year.  I dated everybody from a couple of Doctors, Lawyers, Nurses to girls that worked in a sari sari, and a couple that worked in bars...I suppose thats very similar to dating in any country in the world.   As I got to know my wife I found that she was honest, loyal, dependable and that over the year we found that we respected each other, not a bad way to start a in that year, she knew all about me and I knew all about her, both the good and bad about each other.  We dated for another year and then got married....and if you ask her, she didnt think I was serious until we were married...thats being honest.

My wife, the oldest daughter of a pedicab driver, whos mother and father died when she was 17, whos parents sent her to work in Manila as a maid when she was 14 to make money for the family, managed to put herself though high school, the only one to finish, with honors, and when she worked for me, spent the money to get a degree in accounting. Again, its what you want to become..

And OMG, there is a forty year, 21 day difference in our ages....I adopted her two boys from a previous relationship, we had one together and raise her two younger siblings...for those of you that are counting thats five kids in the house.  All of which I am extremely proud of as they consistently rank number one in their class. 
So what has my wife become, well she has become and educated, independent woman who owns her own rice business, land and is respected in the community.

The same chance was given to her other siblings, who chose not to avail themselves of the opportunity and now either do nothing or work part time as pedicab drivers.  We all make our choices ......

One more thing before I close, I said earlier that I have been coming here since 1967, in that time what I have seen would boggle the mind, anything from Filipinos who work hard to scratch a living and would not take a centavo they didnt earn, to Filipino parents who sell their daughters to work in bars, a hodgepodge of good and bad. 
So in answer to the title of What have we (Filipinas) become....for me the answer is whatever you wanted to become.

Very thoughtful and level-headed post there, Coleman.

In the few years or so I have spent in the Phils since my first trip in 1994, I have dated a few girls of divers backgrounds and points of origin in the country and I have seen my share also of things that would boggle the mind, as you have mentioned.  Part of the charm of the place.  Always something coming you have not seen.  Not always something you particularly want to see, but all part of the package.

I was lost at first about the subject and to whether this man should keep renting at Lee's. NOB for me but if I own your business, sure won't have that kind of activities under my turf.  Bad for business and I don't want to have my establishment be labeled as such in the community. What did your wife say about these Pinay's? I'm curious, I'm sure most would say its despicable. It's personal because its a homegirl. I had share of those sentiments and over the course of time, I realized that "prostitution" is a societies problem globally, and bottom line is ---its a "business". Let's not get confused about the women that are human trafficking "victims" , because they do exist and no matter how you slice it, if you engage in such and you know they are underage you have committed a crime. But that's a topic of its own. Going back to the 30 women lining up for the 70 year old...its BUSINESS and as such its fair game, one can only wish you can get a buy back or refund should it be a bad buy. There are few success stories here and there about women that came from such background and was able to turn around their life. So, who knows?  WhenI live in Japan, I got propositioned by a Sailor in the train station. Not knowing I am a Sailor myself, but because I am Filipina...I was judged as such. How do you think that feel? >:(  So I can honestly tell you that there is a Stigma globally about Filipina women. So, for those folks that want to meet and marry a Filipina, do your homework. Take ownership of your decisions.  Filipina Prostitutes oh yeah they do exist and use them, they use you= fair game.  I don''t have sympathy for the women that CHOOSE an easy route to earn a living. Nor do I have sympathy for men (Filipino men or Foreigner's) that cry about getting fooled by one. Sweet loving true Filipinas do exist ... Proud Pinay here ;)!


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