Living in The Philippines > Relationships

Is Tampo A Bad Word or Is My First Pinay Relationship With A Crazy Person !!

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copusmaximus:
hi dragon her actions and reactions is typical any and all philippinos male or female you or any foreigner can not joke even 1 little bit they take every word serious i too struggle with my gf on this im very sarcastic guy being from england/canada i joke alot but does not go over very well with the gf even after 2 years together it still causes tampo sometimes everyday . even after you explain your self your words and the joke they dont get over the tampo .if a fellow phipino says exact same thing but in tagalog its ok most of the time it seems just us effect them to go instant crazy one sec happy and next as mad as can be. lol it is how it is we need to adjust and hope we dont slip up relationships here are a lot of work on us so be ready they fall in love in seconds want kids and married asap . 

Big daddy Ray:
Haha!..Dude!!...you are in for a long road of ...."trying to".."figure out the Filipina"!...can't do it....no man can figure out these ladies...they are just "different" from other cultures...I have been married to my loving wife for 7 years now...still can't figure her out sometimes...but with that being said...I know what "not to say"....sarcasm, as we know it,  is not understood in the Filipina mind...well .....any of the ones that are not really "westernized". You have to "choose" your words wisely and your actions...at least until you have known her a long time...Most "nice" Filipina's are old fashion...they will treat you like a king...but you have to be delicate in the way you handle them...if you treat them right and take care of them...you will receive that in return a 1000 times over....TAMPO...is only a Filipina term...it means she is maybe is not real pissed off at you but you said something she didn't expect you to say and it hurt her feelings...so she is "pouting"...and...it is not up to her to ask for forgiveness...it is your responsibility....you have to say your sorry and complement her VERY much...anyway you can....male "pride" doesn't have too much room in an American/Filipina relationship.....over time you will be able to communicate your sarcasm to her and she might get it...but she still won't like it.  A relationship with a Filipina that really loves you can be the best in the world...but you have to take the time to learn the culture and "their" ways of treating and understanding..men...I guess what I am trying to say is...don't let you male ego ruin a great relationship...you sometimes have to put your pride in your back pocket and tend to "her" feelings....it will go a long way...I am not saying let her "wear the pants in the family"...not by a long shot...she will expect you to be in charge and lead her down the right path...just be careful what you say and how you say it...after you "learn"...it will come second nature...they are NOT western women...they are very different creatures and have a different way of looking at things...you will be ok...you...as we all who have a relationship or married to a Filipina, have had to "learn" it...welcome to the club...hahaha!

ABCDeVil:

--- Quote from: dragonsmack on January 06, 2017, 08:57:00 AM ---Dear Experienced pinay Relationship Members,
 
I have a question regarding the word tampo but first let me preface my question with a scenario that recently happened to me.

Day 15         
We are enjoying our usual video chat in the morning.  Her signal is kinda of intermittent so she runs to her place of business (only a few minutes away) so she can get a better signal and not keep dropping out.  I am teasing her because now she is sounding like a "wife" and "mother" at times, always telling me to get enough rest, drive safe, etc...  As we end our normal conversation she started saying she is going to miss me and to check in with her when I get to work.  I start joking and say I will call her next week, she gives me this look and asks  "When?" , I reply amusingly, "next week, I don't want you to get to hooked on me to soon (with a smile)".  Now she frowns and gets quiet so I ask her "Is this what Tampo is", and there goes the phone!!!!!  Then the video shuts off and I am thinking she just dropped it.
     
I messaged her and asked her where did she go and she answers "Just enjoy".  then she sends me " See you again next Thursday ".
This has totally thrown me for a loop so I said " I was just playing with you, but ok " and logged off.  I wasn't going down that road.
 
Now I am thinking ................  W T F Just Happened !!!!!
 
She went from 0 to nut job in 30 seconds.
 
I can hear her trying to call me again but never answer.  Needless to say, one hour and 62 messages later, with messages like she was being immature, she loves me but didn't know how to react so she panicked, she will not sleep until she can tell me she is sorry...................etc,

I log back on to  talk to he.  I explain I won't put up with that type of attitude and if she can't communicate this will not work and I am out of here.  She agrees and we have a pleasant conversation.  I told her she owes me a sexy photo and she sends me a fairly provocative picture (But she won't send me any nude ones !!) but she did the best she could do.
 
So my question is, is this at all normal?  Am I involved with a psycho ready to come out?  Is Tampo that bad of a word?  Am I overreacting?
 
I won't lie, I still like her but i am a little gun shy now........
 
Thanks,
Mr Never Say Tampo

--- End quote ---

Hi Dragonsmack,

Well you have only been chatting for 15 days, so of course, because of the differences in cultures, you hit upon the right word "Tampo" for how she reacted.  Big daddy Ray said it well:
"she is "pouting"... " &
" "nice" Filipina's are old fashion...they will treat you like a king...but you have to be delicate in the way you handle them...if you treat them right and take care of them...you will receive that in return a 1000 times over"

For me, I have been married for 1 year, but have been together for 3.5 years. Over this time, my asawa has learnt how my sarcasm is and what most of the things mean. Even when I change my tone of voice, put a harsh look on my face, amongst other things I do when using sarcasm and joking. As sarcasm and joking are part & parcel of the Aussie way of things. We generally mean no harm, but in the beginning my asawa did not know but understands so much as time has passed. Woohoo, it is even great, when she gives it back, with a scowl or angry look on her face, but as yet, she still has not mastered how to make the smile/laugh disappear completely. Good on her for trying and getting better at it, hehehe.

When we first started, a very good friend of mine advised me of the following:
"She is younger, so with the right guidance and patients, you will have a great partner. With the wrong guidance & NO patients, you will get a psycho."

I have told my asawa this and she thanks her lucky stars, that I have been using the right guidance and patients, to help her grow & develop. So with that, we have a great relationship and are very happy.

Take care my friend. Tread a bit more carefully and make sure you let the young lady know, weather its her or another, what and when you are using sarcasm or joking, as they sometimes do take things to literally. Your initial actions/words will help to cement or ruin a relationship, for the long haul.

ABC

Gray Wolf:
Bid Daddy Ray and ABCDevil said it perfectly. Filipinos are different creatures. Sarcasm does not go over well, even after years of being together. My wife Gloria and I have been together for almost 17 years and she still doesn't get or accept sarcasm. We have a wonderful relationship and I wouldn't trade our time together for anything. She has taught me as much as I've taught her. But it has been hard at times, especially in the beginning. You have to learn to put aside your sarcasm/jokes until you establish a good relationship, and even then must learn to be very careful with when and how much sarcasm you throw her way. It could completely destroy any feelings you share together.

Filipinos, male and female, are very passionate people. Guide that passion properly and you will be blessed in ways you have only imagined.

Start off by apologizing to her and explain, carefully, that it is due to you not understanding her culture, but that you very much want to build a loving relationship with her. Anything short of that and you may never regain her trust. Also allow her to say what she wants when you have that discussion. Listen to her carefully. Try to hear what her heart is saying. She been deeply hurt before. Don't be the next to hurt her.

itsgalf:
Me: "Babe, I'm just joking"

Her: "Even jokes are half-truths"

Me: "...Except when I'm completely joking"

I've had my own share of "Ok. Enjoy" messages. Or the dreaded "Ewan ko sayo"

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