Living in The Philippines > Relationships

I'm guessing I found a Gem!

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Hi!  New member here.  Been surfing the Forum. 

I have to sure sounds like a lot of guys are catching the raw end of the deal, as it were.  Too many posts about getting divorces, wives taking money, families scamming Expats out of every last dime...

It makes me wonder if I found the diamond in the rough. 

I met my wife in Singapore in 2004.  She had been working in the country since 1999.  I was passing through on business, and we literally ran into each other walking in/out of an office door.  Three years later, we were married.  It's going on 8 years...and 2 kids...and we are still going strong.

The reasons I say she's a "diamond in the rough", or at least I find her to be, are:

1. She is not waiting for her ship to come in.  She left the PI because she realized she needed a good job to succeed.  And it wouldn't be found in the PI.  She's not like the rest of them...sitting around hoping for a rich magazine publisher to swoop in in a helicopter and take her away.  (Too many silly dramas on PI TV about that nonsense.)

2. She told me when we met, "I don't need your money.  I make my own."  And, 8 years on, she has her own job with a US Company, and earns her own check.

3. She told me, "I'm a Filipina.  I don't want a Green Card.  I don't need to be an American Citizen."  (She later changed her mind when she wanted to travel, and learned that the "Little Blue Passport" makes entry into other countries quite easy, and earned her US Citizenship in 2010.  But, she still thinks of herself as a Filipina first.)

4. She does not ask me for a dime to support her family.  She does it on her own. 

5. She is kind, loving, caring, and an excellent Mother.  She IS NOT my servant.  (She hears stories of how other Americans make their Filipina wives fetch their shoes, give them rub downs, etc.  She told me, "If you ever try to make me your slave, I will kick your ass!"  And, I believe she could do it too!)

6. She told her extended family the following, "My husband does not give handouts.  Don't ask."  (While I don't give handouts, I have helped several of my wife's relatives start up small businesses.  I believe in the old adage: 'Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.'  It's true, I don't give cash.  But, I will help others build the means of providing for themselves.)

7. She is not your "typical" Filipina.  She works very hard -- quite often 10-12 hour days.  She has earned everything she has.  She does not stand on a street corner with her hand out.  She refuses charity.  She has pride in herself.  She will not hesitate to tell her relatives, or other Filipinas, to stop being lazy and get out and work.

8.  She trusts me.  And I trust her.  We travel the world together.  We have traveled the world separately, as well.  You can't do that if you don't have trust.

9.  She speaks her mind.  She will not hesitate to tell you if you are being a twit.

We plan to eventually build a house in the PI, and may go into semi-retirement.  We will both continue to work.  We always will.  We can't sit still.  And, to be honest, I can't think of anyone I would rather stay busy with.

She is a real gem.  (My apologies to those out there who have not had such a great experience.)

hmmmmm I think your generalization of filipina's is crap.
Granted, just like all societies, especially the poorer nations, have their share of the women you describe, but to say your wife is not a typical filipina is off the mark by a long shot.
I am happy you have pride in your wife and congrats, but there are ways to shout her praises without trying to demean the rest, diba.

You may have found a gem but many of the members on this forum, have also. Rule of thumb on forums is do not generalize, you can say/write some, many, of those I have met etc, but writing it the way you have, seems to imply that only you found a gem, so that insults the many of us who have also found gems. In fact, I have found that there are way more gems than there are bad Filipinas from the many that I have met over the years but bad ones do exist and it is up to the men to find a good one, and it is up to the women to make sure they too find a good man, as life is a two way street and bad can be found on both sides of that street.

I feel we deserve who we've got!  This applies to men and women.  Those who are happy in their relationship have found a real gem.

Another guy that has an awesome wife checking in.

I think that some Internet forums are overwhelmingly negative.  Not this one so much...

People tend to post about their negative experiences and not about their positive ones.  I think it goes like this, one person posts about a bad experience and then others pile on with theirs, misery loves company....  If someone joins one of those pity party threads with a positive experience they are chastised for having rose colored glasses etc...

I also suspect that many of the negative experiences come from the cultural expectation that children take care of their families here.  In the west it's the exact opposite and it's hard for us to understand.  If you and your wife don't find a common middle ground you will have problems.

One last thing...  In failed relationships/marriages people tend to place the majority of blame on the other person.  I wonder if there isn't a Tagalog/Visayan forum somewhere that is full of girls spouting off how awful foreigners are lol.


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