Living in The Philippines > Relationships

Are you one of "those" guys?

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Shewmake:
I met my wife in the US, and we are two years apart in age, so never a problem with this. The majority of guys I've met and seen here are with women half their age. Whether GF's or wives, most seem content, but there are a few who are just after the chase, and when bored dump them. Now this male behavior is no different here than in other country when it comes to men. The only real difference, is here an older guy can enjoy the company of younger women; which in their home countries is all but impossible- unless as one poster said your an ugly millionaire.

Some guys come here strictly for pleasure and frequent the places that provide that, hopefully with their eyes wide open. Others are looking for something they think an Asian woman (an outdated mystic IMHO), can give them. Some are ugly, some are fat, some are short, and some have no hair (like me :P). They have dramatically fewer chances of finding a good looking woman; which all men fantasize over, so they come here via the internet, or in person to find that perfect woman that will fill that fantasy. I've not met a guy yet who does not like younger women, and that is natural. So I've nothing against a guy who wants that, but feel if they don't take into consideration the age gap, and all the other issues of marrying a younger woman i.e her motivations, family etc., etc., well then it's a ticking time bomb.

My niece adores me and is 35 years younger. She used to (married now), when the family would all go out hold my hand. This made me terribly uncomfortable, I kept thinking my wife was going to freak and I asked her about it. Her reply was- it's really entertaining to watch all the sneers and hear the comments in Tagalog as we passed older women. Dirty old man etc. It don't matter what country your in it always the same. The difference here is many women see the benefits to being with us old farts and are willing to make the trade off because of what some men, but not all, can bring to their lives, and if it works out for both people, then more power to them.

shortman:
Very interesting topic; When Lar and i came together there were even some family who said we would not last a week.....lol. its been over 8 years now; we enjoy every day together, we like the same things; our lives have so much to offer since we have been together; when my untimely demise happens, i have always said that the greatest pain would be leaving her; ( if by chance i go first). always been a age gap, but whose counting. :P

JoeLP:
First filipina I met was while in college.  I actually thought that a fellow college student brought their junior high sister to a party and was thinking "wtf" and actually made talk about it and other friends and I were asking each other if we'd bring our little sisters/brothers to a college party serving alcohol. 
Then, one of my classmates came over and said she needed to talk to me.  So her and I walk to a balcony(thinking it we this classmate and me doing more than talking) only to have her tell me she has a very shy, but very pretty friend who'd like to talk to me, but wanted to know if I'd be ok with talking to a non-white woman.  This made me very uncomfortable because the last thing I am is racist, and the need for that question was what was bad to me.  So I tell her I have no problem at all.  My classmate tells me that this friend is not American so she might not be easy to understand, but she is very pretty then told me to wait.  A few minutes later out comes the sexy little junior high girl.  LOL
This was always a joke between her and I for all the years we dated.  I felt very uncomfortable at first as her and I walked Grand River Ave in East Lansing and all the looks we got from be being a pedo to looks of jealously I think at times.  But, this relationship was not meant to last.
Enter 2nd Pinay relationship.  This one get's the cake.  I'm only 22 when I meet her.  Now, do to the past, I know she is Pinay.  I think she is about my age because she looks 18 at the oldest.  So her and I talk day in and day out.  She was conservative so I talked with her for months before I could finally take her out on a date(co-workers).  Then we dated for at least 5 months before I learn she is about 6 years my senior.  Never married and in a deep relationship.  This one I married.  At the age of 38 she still got carded for anything and everything.  I'm getting my first gray hair, and she still looks 21-23.  This one didn't last for a relationship, but that was a crazy experience.  Sisters, long time female friends, and co-workers usually at first would not believe her age, then would usually(minus 2 sisters and a few of the others) become very jealous.
Now I am finally with a pinay who is my age(8 mo difference) and still looks younger.  This time it's not too unrealistic.  This time though, for the first time, I'm in the Phils to live with her.  Now, for crazy reasons, I'm seen as the catch.  Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than seeing a pinay(sometimes young and pretty) give me the eyes that a lot of my male friends gave my first to Pinay relations when being introduced.  LOL I'm thinking why would a young, pretty, sexy pinay look at a graying white man like that?  Actually laughed when one gave me the double pump of raised eyebrows in flirting.  Hope I didn't hurt her feelings but it just made me laugh.  Not since college did I get that and it was from a girl my own age.  Not a sexy babe probably 10(at least) my junior. 
I am not one of "those" guys.  But wow, I've seen them often both here and in Bataan.  Talked to one and he said that he read online and had friends tell him that his best bet to get the most was to have own motorcycle and ride through the province and get it "fresh" and "unowned".  His words.  Took me by surprised.  He had a nice Gold Wing and he just was done hitting the Olongapo area and was getting ready to grab a ferry from Orion(back in 2009) to Manila then head down through Cavite and Laguna.  One of those fresh from the military career with the nice leather jacket and that smirk on face and off he went. 
Never understood why "those" men don't see the disrespect that they are giving the women that they are using. 

Lee2:

--- Quote from: JoeLP on June 14, 2014, 08:48:52 PM ---Never understood why "those" men don't see the disrespect that they are giving the women that they are using.

--- End quote ---

Because for the most part guys like that only care about themselves and do not care who they hurt along the way. Those are the type of guys I stay far away from.

I never have a problem with the guys in relationships no matter how much of an age difference even when I have met 70 plus year old guys with girls 21 or under but those who use and abuse I can only hope that karma smacks them down the road.

BTW when I met my wife I thought she was way too young for me but since she was mature mentally, we worked it out.

iamjames:
I remember my son telling me many years ago that "half your age plus seven" is the acceptable maximum age difference. It's a very interesting figure when you work it out. Inevitably I have broken that rule a few times in my travels. Sometimes I found myself having to ask for a valid ID before dating!

I see no harm in age difference relationships as long as the arrangement is mutually beneficial and respectful. It is a sad sight though to see a 70 year old man hand in hand with a teenager on the street. I just pity the girl and hope she is getting sufficient reward for her humiliation. Too often I see naive newbies being drained of every cent by young girlfriends and their families. While I will give advice to these newbies I find I have no sympathy with them and wish the girl the best of luck and good fortune! Sex and companionship is the only commodity these women have and by which these girls can hope for a comfortable living. This is the bottom line in most relationships - and often in our 'developed' world also. Throughout history (until the arrival of women's employment opportunities and public respect for women's equal rights) this was the role of women. They had to prepare for the natural process of child rearing and must first prepare the 'nest'. This was a natural instinct - and security rather than age was the primary factor.

The sad part of these relationships is that the expectations of the young lady are usually fantasy. She dreams of setting up a home, having a nice house, having a happy relationship and rearing a family in comfort. The reality is too often far different. The needs, wants and dreams become jumbled to a chaotic level with the inevitable consequences. The only evil I see is where the man is dishonest and  deludes innocent young women that marriage is the goal, when in fact he knows that is not what he really wants. As the relationship develops, and the woman starts to presume the constraints of marriage, everything begins to fall asunder. Most older men prefer their liberty. Finding that ideal relationship becomes less of a likelihood for the expat after a few such experiences.

That last paragraph is almost autobiographical for me. My problem/good point is that I have a very soft heart. I look after and respect the GFs and their families to the best of my ability. From the very start I am honest about the facts with the GF  - I am too old to change, too tired to argue, too scared that I would not be able to cope properly with rearing another family, and enjoy my liberty after being in a marriage for 25 years. (I always say Nelson Mandela would not voluntarily go back into prison!).

I find this week that I have to break up with my GF of eight months. I was hopefully optimistic at the start but the reality of the dream is inevitable. She is a wonderful person, but unfortunately I get flashbacks to my original marriage where I was dictated to about where I could go, what friends I could have, whom I talk to, how I talk to them, what friends were allowed on Facebook etc..  As I am very outgoing and gregarious by nature I cannot accept these constraints as I enter into the last phase of my life. I feel very sad that she must now return to her family - but with an allowance of 10K pesos a month plus I will continue to pay all her teacher training college expenses. I will also continue to pay for her brothers Criminology degree. The biggest problem is how to break it off while she manages to save face among family and friends. I decided it would be better for me to leave the area completely and she can tell them I had to return home because of a family emergency. And I was just beginning to really like settling in here. I am tired of traveling the world and have decided I will settle in this beautiful country.   

So now I must leave Mindanao and move elsewhere in the Philippines. Any suggestions?

Please accept that the above describes me, my opinions, and my relationship experiences. This thread asks for such honest experiences so I hope mine gives just another viewpoint. I fully accept that most here on this forum have normal, healthy and fruitful relationships and I wish them the best of luck -  with a little envy.

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