Are you one of "those" guys?

[JD]

I know we're not all guys here but I got to thinking this morning about the story Lee posted concerning the Philippine BI's increased enforcement efforts against foreign criminal types and it made me think of two things that happened with my doctor.

During the process of updating and obtaining my vaccinations prior to my first Philippines visit, my doctor, trying hard to act nonchalant, started talking about how "some men" went on "sex vacations" to places like the Philippines. I reacted a bit angrily and told him that I wasn't one of "those men" and that I was visiting someone that I had been involved with for more than a year.

He quickly dropped the subject.

After Menchu and I were married and during the prep before our first trip to Davao together, I needed to stock up on my meds and made a special appointment with the doctor to do so. During that appointment he very casually, but out of the blue,  asked me how old Menchu was.

I dearly wanted to tell him that she was 16, just to watch his eyes pop, but I told him her real age and he simply said, "Oh." The feeling I got was, again, like I was being thought of as one of "those men".

The man has been my doctor for eight years. I can't imagine how he could have picked up a vibe from me about the sex vacation thing. The young chickie thing I guess is possible for many guys so I cut him some slack for that.

Thinking about those incidents made me think to ask you all this: have you ever felt like you're being treated like one of "those men" (or even one of "those women")? 

JD

[mikbal]

     There was a time that I encountered that attitude from the occasional US immigration agent when coming back into country, but it hasn't happened in the last several years.  When I did get attitude, it was mostly from American women whose noses were bent out of shape (probably because my wife was way better looking than them).  Although my wife is only 6 years younger than me, the apparent assumption was that I had robbed somebody's cradle.  Of course, just about the only time the Philippines is in the news in the US is when there is a typhoon or when child molestors are arrested.

Mike

[paulgee]

Fortunately I have never encountered any problems relating to us. Our ages are 66/42 but perhaps we don't look too bad together. I know I would not take kindly to any snide remark or insinuation made about us. Hopefully the criminal checks, as mentioned in another thread, will help reduce the pervs from coming to the Philippines.

With regard to your doctor JD, I would suggest that he is the one with young girls on his mind, I doubt whether it is within his remit to check up on the age difference of his married patients. Nevertheless, best get your viagra elsewhere 

[Gray Wolf]

Some family members questioned my relationship with Gloria when we first met.  I overheard some disparaging remarks while at a party about people marrying "mail-order brides", a very ugly comment in my book.  They quickly changed their attitudes when I gave them a choice of being part of our lives or merely someone I used to be related to. 

[Lee2]

When I married my wife in Florida, she was 26 and I was 46 and I lost some friends because of our marriage. I figure they were not real friends anyway if they did not stick with me. I feel some of the men may have made inappropriate jokes to their wives about trading them in for a younger woman when they met my wife, which in turn then made their wives wish to distance themselves from us but some good friends stuck with us and some self confident wives did not have a problem with my wife being younger even when some of the men would make similar statements.

The only problem I had when we first married was when my wife put her hair back, which then made her look like a teenager. One cashier at a supermarket saw my wife's photos with her hair back when the photo was in my wallet as I paid, to which she said "what a beautiful daughter you have" and she was shocked when I replied that was my wife and that she is much older than she looks in the photo, which still made her almost fall on the ground in shock thus I moved the photo to where no one else could see it unless I wanted them too and always asked my wife to keep her hair down since the cashiers comments only reinforced what I felt might happen.

While in the Philippines we had gotten some stares and some comments made mostly by younger Filipino males and one even went so far as to warn my wife in her language that kanos were no good, to which I turned around and gave him a nasty look and he then left quietly.

I have always told my wife jokingly that in the US she is my trophy wife and in the Philippines I am her trophy husband, since the women in the Philippines are often brazen enough to try to pick me up right in front of my wife, to which I tell my wife that they only interested in me for the dollar signs tattooed on my head in ink that only Filipinos seem to be able to see.      

[Shewmake]

I met my wife in the US, and we are two years apart in age, so never a problem with this. The majority of guys I've met and seen here are with women half their age. Whether GF's or wives, most seem content, but there are a few who are just after the chase, and when bored dump them. Now this male behavior is no different here than in other country when it comes to men. The only real difference, is here an older guy can enjoy the company of younger women; which in their home countries is all but impossible- unless as one poster said your an ugly millionaire.

Some guys come here strictly for pleasure and frequent the places that provide that, hopefully with their eyes wide open. Others are looking for something they think an Asian woman (an outdated mystic IMHO), can give them. Some are ugly, some are fat, some are short, and some have no hair (like me ). They have dramatically fewer chances of finding a good looking woman; which all men fantasize over, so they come here via the internet, or in person to find that perfect woman that will fill that fantasy. I've not met a guy yet who does not like younger women, and that is natural. So I've nothing against a guy who wants that, but feel if they don't take into consideration the age gap, and all the other issues of marrying a younger woman i.e her motivations, family etc., etc., well then it's a ticking time bomb.

My niece adores me and is 35 years younger. She used to (married now), when the family would all go out hold my hand. This made me terribly uncomfortable, I kept thinking my wife was going to freak and I asked her about it. Her reply was- it's really entertaining to watch all the sneers and hear the comments in Tagalog as we passed older women. Dirty old man etc. It don't matter what country your in it always the same. The difference here is many women see the benefits to being with us old farts and are willing to make the trade off because of what some men, but not all, can bring to their lives, and if it works out for both people, then more power to them.

[shortman]

Very interesting topic; When Lar and i came together there were even some family who said we would not last a week.....lol. its been over 8 years now; we enjoy every day together, we like the same things; our lives have so much to offer since we have been together; when my untimely demise happens, i have always said that the greatest pain would be leaving her; ( if by chance i go first). always been a age gap, but whose counting.

[JoeLP]

First filipina I met was while in college.  I actually thought that a fellow college student brought their junior high sister to a party and was thinking "wtf" and actually made talk about it and other friends and I were asking each other if we'd bring our little sisters/brothers to a college party serving alcohol. 
Then, one of my classmates came over and said she needed to talk to me.  So her and I walk to a balcony(thinking it we this classmate and me doing more than talking) only to have her tell me she has a very shy, but very pretty friend who'd like to talk to me, but wanted to know if I'd be ok with talking to a non-white woman.  This made me very uncomfortable because the last thing I am is racist, and the need for that question was what was bad to me.  So I tell her I have no problem at all.  My classmate tells me that this friend is not American so she might not be easy to understand, but she is very pretty then told me to wait.  A few minutes later out comes the sexy little junior high girl.  LOL
This was always a joke between her and I for all the years we dated.  I felt very uncomfortable at first as her and I walked Grand River Ave in East Lansing and all the looks we got from be being a pedo to looks of jealously I think at times.  But, this relationship was not meant to last.
Enter 2nd Pinay relationship.  This one get's the cake.  I'm only 22 when I meet her.  Now, do to the past, I know she is Pinay.  I think she is about my age because she looks 18 at the oldest.  So her and I talk day in and day out.  She was conservative so I talked with her for months before I could finally take her out on a date(co-workers).  Then we dated for at least 5 months before I learn she is about 6 years my senior.  Never married and in a deep relationship.  This one I married.  At the age of 38 she still got carded for anything and everything.  I'm getting my first gray hair, and she still looks 21-23.  This one didn't last for a relationship, but that was a crazy experience.  Sisters, long time female friends, and co-workers usually at first would not believe her age, then would usually(minus 2 sisters and a few of the others) become very jealous.
Now I am finally with a pinay who is my age(8 mo difference) and still looks younger.  This time it's not too unrealistic.  This time though, for the first time, I'm in the Phils to live with her.  Now, for crazy reasons, I'm seen as the catch.  Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than seeing a pinay(sometimes young and pretty) give me the eyes that a lot of my male friends gave my first to Pinay relations when being introduced.  LOL I'm thinking why would a young, pretty, sexy pinay look at a graying white man like that?  Actually laughed when one gave me the double pump of raised eyebrows in flirting.  Hope I didn't hurt her feelings but it just made me laugh.  Not since college did I get that and it was from a girl my own age.  Not a sexy babe probably 10(at least) my junior. 
I am not one of "those" guys.  But wow, I've seen them often both here and in Bataan.  Talked to one and he said that he read online and had friends tell him that his best bet to get the most was to have own motorcycle and ride through the province and get it "fresh" and "unowned".  His words.  Took me by surprised.  He had a nice Gold Wing and he just was done hitting the Olongapo area and was getting ready to grab a ferry from Orion(back in 2009) to Manila then head down through Cavite and Laguna.  One of those fresh from the military career with the nice leather jacket and that smirk on face and off he went. 
Never understood why "those" men don't see the disrespect that they are giving the women that they are using. 

[Lee2]

Never understood why "those" men don't see the disrespect that they are giving the women that they are using.

Because for the most part guys like that only care about themselves and do not care who they hurt along the way. Those are the type of guys I stay far away from.

I never have a problem with the guys in relationships no matter how much of an age difference even when I have met 70 plus year old guys with girls 21 or under but those who use and abuse I can only hope that karma smacks them down the road.

BTW when I met my wife I thought she was way too young for me but since she was mature mentally, we worked it out.

[iamjames]

I remember my son telling me many years ago that "half your age plus seven" is the acceptable maximum age difference. It's a very interesting figure when you work it out. Inevitably I have broken that rule a few times in my travels. Sometimes I found myself having to ask for a valid ID before dating!

I see no harm in age difference relationships as long as the arrangement is mutually beneficial and respectful. It is a sad sight though to see a 70 year old man hand in hand with a teenager on the street. I just pity the girl and hope she is getting sufficient reward for her humiliation. Too often I see naive newbies being drained of every cent by young girlfriends and their families. While I will give advice to these newbies I find I have no sympathy with them and wish the girl the best of luck and good fortune! Sex and companionship is the only commodity these women have and by which these girls can hope for a comfortable living. This is the bottom line in most relationships - and often in our 'developed' world also. Throughout history (until the arrival of women's employment opportunities and public respect for women's equal rights) this was the role of women. They had to prepare for the natural process of child rearing and must first prepare the 'nest'. This was a natural instinct - and security rather than age was the primary factor.

The sad part of these relationships is that the expectations of the young lady are usually fantasy. She dreams of setting up a home, having a nice house, having a happy relationship and rearing a family in comfort. The reality is too often far different. The needs, wants and dreams become jumbled to a chaotic level with the inevitable consequences. The only evil I see is where the man is dishonest and  deludes innocent young women that marriage is the goal, when in fact he knows that is not what he really wants. As the relationship develops, and the woman starts to presume the constraints of marriage, everything begins to fall asunder. Most older men prefer their liberty. Finding that ideal relationship becomes less of a likelihood for the expat after a few such experiences.

That last paragraph is almost autobiographical for me. My problem/good point is that I have a very soft heart. I look after and respect the GFs and their families to the best of my ability. From the very start I am honest about the facts with the GF  - I am too old to change, too tired to argue, too scared that I would not be able to cope properly with rearing another family, and enjoy my liberty after being in a marriage for 25 years. (I always say Nelson Mandela would not voluntarily go back into prison!).

I find this week that I have to break up with my GF of eight months. I was hopefully optimistic at the start but the reality of the dream is inevitable. She is a wonderful person, but unfortunately I get flashbacks to my original marriage where I was dictated to about where I could go, what friends I could have, whom I talk to, how I talk to them, what friends were allowed on Facebook etc..  As I am very outgoing and gregarious by nature I cannot accept these constraints as I enter into the last phase of my life. I feel very sad that she must now return to her family - but with an allowance of 10K pesos a month plus I will continue to pay all her teacher training college expenses. I will also continue to pay for her brothers Criminology degree. The biggest problem is how to break it off while she manages to save face among family and friends. I decided it would be better for me to leave the area completely and she can tell them I had to return home because of a family emergency. And I was just beginning to really like settling in here. I am tired of traveling the world and have decided I will settle in this beautiful country.   

So now I must leave Mindanao and move elsewhere in the Philippines. Any suggestions?

Please accept that the above describes me, my opinions, and my relationship experiences. This thread asks for such honest experiences so I hope mine gives just another viewpoint. I fully accept that most here on this forum have normal, healthy and fruitful relationships and I wish them the best of luck -  with a little envy.

[Lee2]

Sorry to hear of the break up, it is often hard to give your heart to someone once it has been broken and then on top of that some women can get demanding and especially some even more when they do not have you locked in by a marriage contract. My wife lets me go wherever I want because she knows I will always return and never fool around, well more than looking. 

Mindanao is a big place, Davao is supposed to be nice and I even like Malaybalay City since I believe it is a bit cooler there.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malaybalay

Then of course there is Cebu City where we are, when we are there, lots of expats and plenty of women.
Other suggestions might be Bacolod http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacolod
and Dumaguete http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumaguete

I am sure others might have better suggestions, I know Colin and others like Palawan http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palawan

and yet others like Baguio where it is cooler http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baguio

Hope you find a nice place to land and please keep us informed.

[JD]

So now I'm privy to a situation in which the gent, an American, is pushing 60 and apparently keenly interested in a near-relation who is 19 years old. Gifts have gone over to the girl and now money is being promised.

The bit of free searching I did on him doesn't indicate that he's a predator. What info I have on him seems to check out. Divorced, it seems that he has children her age. His desire for "petite, thin" love interests in his online profile has my Pervert Warning Light flashing.

The girl comes from good people and I know she isn't a gold-digger. She's just young and curious and cow-eyed. I don't want to jeopardize the fruit of his generosity so I don't want to hire a kneecapper just yet. But the whole thing still sort of gives me the creeps.

I guess I really don't want to do anything just yet but I had to tell someone and who better than you all who will understand?


JD

[coleman2347]

Everybody is different, but I have to wonder what one would have in common with a 19 year old...I personally am in a very successful relationship and there is 40 years difference in our age, but, my wife is very mature for her age having had to raise the family when her parents passed away.
Going by what I see in MOST young girls here they are much more immature than girls in the states..also, given the level of education here..it presents a problem in having something to talk about..most here, even higher educated folks are not taught very much on world affairs, history etc.    It limits conversation and when the first bloom of passion is over...you have to have something to base a relationship on.

As far as the "Petite, Thin" part goes, there are a lot of girls that meet that description here..so why would you go for a girl that's 19?
I guess I would just watch and see how things develop, see if he really comes here, which probably 90% do not..

You know the girl, and if you're close to her you can advise her, my asawa freely says its not easy being married to me...there are a lot of differences in the culture, how we were brought up etc..add in my having been in the Marines for 22 years and I'm probably a lot more strict than most...but we are always able to talk through the differences ....can the girl also do that?
 Does the guy involved have any idea what he's talking about...what do they talk about when they chat?  Is he a gentleman or one of the guys that just want to see the girl naked?

One of Maline's friends was talking to a guy on the computer and didn't know if he was for real, so they got me to just sit off cam and monitor the conversation, in about 5 minutes I heard enough to know he was BS'ing her.  You might try that if they will let you, then you will know for sure....  Lee

So now I'm privy to a situation in which the gent, an American, is pushing 60 and apparently keenly interested in a near-relation who is 19 years old. Gifts have gone over to the girl and now money is being promised.

The bit of free searching I did on him doesn't indicate that he's a predator. What info I have on him seems to check out. Divorced, it seems that he has children her age. His desire for "petite, thin" love interests in his online profile has my Pervert Warning Light flashing.

The girl comes from good people and I know she isn't a gold-digger. She's just young and curious and cow-eyed. I don't want to jeopardize the fruit of his generosity so I don't want to hire a kneecapper just yet. But the whole thing still sort of gives me the creeps.

I guess I really don't want to do anything just yet but I had to tell someone and who better than you all who will understand?


JD

[suzukig1]

My trips to the Phl were always work related.  I was introduced to my now wife on one of those trips.  I was never asked about being one of those "tourists".  For the first 4 years or so I always had a hotel taxi and driver.  It was a company rule.  Of course, the company paid for the car.  Even if I was only going a few blocks away I was supposed to use a hotel taxi.  I wasn't even allowed to use a regular taxi.  When I came here on a 2 year assignment I had a car and driver.  So I went about 6 years in the Phl always having a car and driver take me door to door wherever I was going.  (So for a long time I didn't experience the "real" Philippines.  Except in Bacoor, Cavite where my gf, now wife, lived.)

I'm 58 and my wife is 32 so that's a 26 year difference.  When we met I was 47 and my wife at the time was 21.  But even in the U.S. when I was in my forties the oldest women I dated was 24 and the youngest 20.  That type of age difference was not that unusual where I lived.  I lived and worked all my career in the Silicon Valley area (San Jose, CA).  A lot of older men, younger women couples there.

[Art, just a re(tired) Fil-Am]

No, I wasn't one of "those guys"! I met my girlfriend, wife to be when she was 18 yrs old and I was 33, through relatives on my mother's side of the family! We had a 6 yr long distance courtship without any hank panky in between yearly visits, twice or 3 times a year for 6 yrs!
When we got married in Jan of 1988, she was 24 and I was 39 yrs old!
She came to California to start our new life together on Oct of 1988.
27 yrs later we're still together and have been retired in the Philippines since 1998.
I'll be 67 yrs old in Sept and she's at a ripe young age of 50 going on 51 next month!