So most of you guys are men...

[HappyBee]

Any advice?

Is it reasonable for a man to be cranky or not speak to his wife just because he is tired / hungry / has a headache, etc? Are the feelings in your bodies really that powerful that you could justify being mean to your significant other over it?

Asking for a friend

[Lee2]

I cannot speak for others but as for myself, when I am in pain I do sometimes get cranky, otherwise I do my best to always appreciate my wife.

[Hestecrefter]

My reply would be the same as what Lee has said.

I'll add that, while I might get a bit quiet, perhaps irritable, it would be short-lived and would never be such marked conduct that my wife would see me as being "mean".  Meanness has no place in a marriage.

[FastWalk]

As the others,  I try to not be mean.  I do sometimes get comfortable and forget to say or do extra nice things sometimes.

If I have a problem that is very difficult for me to solve or accept,  I might be insensitive to other topics because my mind is being taken up with whatever is my big problem.

[suzukig1]

I get cranky when I'm hungry.  But that doesn't happen too often now since I have a ref and a couple of large airtight containers with snacks in them in my "office" (actually TV room).  I usually don't get angry when I'm cranky but I'll complain about things that I would normally just ignore.

[Gray Wolf]

I sometimes get cranky, snarky and make sarcastic remarks, all of which I realize later and then do my best to make up for them by being extra nice and by doing small things to let her know she is loved and appreciated. I often use the magic words "I'm sorry", "I was wrong", "I love you" and "Please forgive me".

I'd say we're no different than a Filipina exhibiting a bout of tampo, except they rarely say I'm sorry; I was wrong; please forgive me.   

[iamjames]

All of the above .....

[RUFUS]

I'm all for tampo.
I find it to be more effective than yelling.
What is good for the goose... 

[codefreeze]

I've had my moments. If I'm sick or very, very tired I will not be my normal self. I usually snap out of it pretty quickly though. I don't think I've ever been "mean" though, or nasty, just maybe a bit quiet or grumpy. I tend to take myself out of the situation - go for a walk, go to bed early or whatever.

[lost_in_samoa]

Is it reasonable for a man to be cranky or not speak to his wife just because he is tired / hungry / has a headache, etc?

For Ester and I it is all about communication and shared experiences. 

There were A LOT of times when I was on the road running from one down system to the next.  I spent months on the road over the years. 

In the early days of our marriage there was a fair amount of Tampo and Jealousy.  And all of the hurt feelings and fighting that go with that.

Our final solution was for me to take Ester with me to a few job sites.  Let her work beside me to see what was really going on for herself.

After that, when I was burnt out she could usually sense it and leave me alone.  And visa versa for me.  She gets worn out running the household too.  It is a full time job that requires a great deal of skill.

A side benefit was that we discovered she had a talent for logistics and pulling Arcnet/Ethernet.  Who would'a thunk it.

[codefreeze]

After that, when I was burnt out she could usually sense it and leave me alone.  And visa versa for me.  She gets worn out running the household too.  It is a full time job that requires a great deal of skill.

So, another IT guy that experienced burnout? What did you do to combat it? I had to take myself out of it altogether eventually after struggling for years - taking months off and finally switching to contracting only. Realize I'm going slightly off-topic here, but always interesting to see how people handle burnout.

[lost_in_samoa]

What did you do to combat it?

I apologize for the hijaak by digressing.

I started out as a systems troubleshooter, at the very beginning of the "network" rage.  Law enforcement, hospitals, university, financial firms.  Not the kinda gig's you can drop the ball on.

A lot of years I burnt the candle at both ends.  New husband .... new father trying to do right by my family.

Rode it until right after the dot.com bubble popped, then switched careers to atmospheric measurement systems.

Took me a while to learn that you gotta get away from it sometimes.  Regain perspective on what matters.  Recharge the humanity batteries.

Hope this helps

[codefreeze]

I apologize for the hijaak by digressing.

I started out as a systems troubleshooter, at the very beginning of the "network" rage.  Law enforcement, hospitals, university, financial firms.  Not the kinda gig's you can drop the ball on.

A lot of years I burnt the candle at both ends.  New husband .... new father trying to do right by my family.

Rode it until right after the dot.com bubble popped, then switched careers to atmospheric measurement systems.

Took me a while to learn that you gotta get away from it sometimes.  Regain perspective on what matters.  Recharge the humanity batteries.

Hope this helps

Very interesting. Sounds like you moved into an interesting new area!

Yes, always helpful to see what others do. Thanks!

[JoeLP]

If I get real sick, I'll turn very sarcastic and dark.  But only real sick.  Normal sick or light sick I just become more humorous and joke a lot.  Don't want others to be miserable with me.  Pain, on the other hand...that makes me quiet.  No idea why and I realize it after the pain is dealt with.  But, bad ache in knee or hips or some strong stomach cramps(usually caused by sickness first, will make me just go quiet and go internal with my thoughts.  Often I try to lie down and sleep during those times also.

[HappyBee]

For Ester and I it is all about communication and shared experiences. 

There were A LOT of times when I was on the road running from one down system to the next.  I spent months on the road over the years. 

In the early days of our marriage there was a fair amount of Tampo and Jealousy.  And all of the hurt feelings and fighting that go with that.

Our final solution was for me to take Ester with me to a few job sites.  Let her work beside me to see what was really going on for herself.

After that, when I was burnt out she could usually sense it and leave me alone.  And visa versa for me.  She gets worn out running the household too.  It is a full time job that requires a great deal of skill.

A side benefit was that we discovered she had a talent for logistics and pulling Arcnet/Ethernet.  Who would'a thunk it.

It sounds like you two genuinely appreciate what the other does during the day. I don't think some men appreciate everything that goes into keeping the household running.

It's encouraging to hear that you both worked through the initial issues and are seeing better days.